Married friends, acquaintances, and couple-friends all run for the hills when they hear about your divorce.
Its contagious, you know.
By
Updated 2 months ago,March 4, 2025
1.Friends will flee.
Photo byMaxim IlyahovonUnsplash
Married friends, acquaintances, and couple-friends all run for the hills when they hear about your divorce.
Its contagious, you know.
Can that happen to us?
Or more inquisitively, Should that happen to us?
Either way, the other wife friends you used to occasionally hang with will suddenly become extremely busy.
You will be kicked off the holiday Happy Whatever chat thread.
(A blessing or a curse?
Gracefully and politely decline by saying you will be out of town that weekend.
They dont actually want you to go.
The error just happened.
What do I do?
And while this exodus of former associates can be hurtful and confusing, it is entirely their issue.
Not everyone is able to look objectively at another couple without comparing their situation to ones own.
People are not ready to stare in the mirror and ask themselves tough questions.
People in your life are processing too.
Youll beflying solo at weddings.
As in only your name on the invitation envelope.
Be prepared and forewarnedyour lack of a relevant significant other will render you highly favorable for a solo invite.
You might feel your rank has slipped a few notches.
The blow to your ego can be a shock.
Your status has changed.
Youre in the aftermath of a divorce.
Bet no one told you this!
3.Sleeping arrangements will change.
Speaking of getting the shaft, get used to the couch while youre at it!
Take family vacations and weekend group getaways for example.
Being part of a couple means you always have priority and sometimes even your choice of bedroom.
This luxury is not guaranteed after you enter Splitsville.
As a newly single person, be prepared for your property value to decrease.
Priority status on private bedrooms is reserved for married couples and families first.
Guess if you wanted your own room, you should have stayed married, huh?
(That was a joke.)
4.There is a great big Scarlet D on your chest.
You cant see it, but there is.
Get used to it.
Eventually, you will wear it with pride.
For now, just know that its there and it informs how people treat you and relate to you.
Are they trying to feel into your mental state?
This shift is subtle, imperceptible to most others, but when you experience it, youll know.
(Was my dry cleaner acting strange this morning?
Ah, its my Scarlet D!
Either way, Im with you.
5.Youre seen as a threat.
Dont hurt me for this.
Women will think you want their husbands.
I know, I know, Im stereotyping.
And as the strong female advocate I am, I wish I could say I was lying.
The fact is, some women are threatened by strong, successful, happily single women.
And why shouldnt they be?
Hell, we deserve a parade.
We dont get one.
Understand that these energies do exist and reveal a tremendous amount about the other persons insecurities.
It has nothing to do with you!
You need not dim your light or hold back your fierceness for the sake of others.
6.Your freedom comes with a high emotional price tag.
The first thing I did after signing my divorce papers was sell my house.
I chose to move to a new area where I knew NO ONE.
It was the scariest and most thrilling thing Id ever done.
It was now time to let that go in an effort to step into my own womanhood.
That home held me.
While my marriage was a roller coaster, our house was a constant in my life.
Our home journeyed with us and grew us into adults over the course of 10 years.
Or a lonely Saturday night when former couple friends are having dinner together and posting on Facebook.
Would it have been easier to have just stayed married?
Its okay to look back.
We all need to reflect to make it learn and move forward.
Trust that wherever you are is exactly where you oughta be, even if youre in the muck.
Staying in a toxic marriage is even harder.
8.Its not all their fault.
Harsh, I know.
(Isnt that the definition of insanity?
)But our lack of a more successful ending wasnt only his fault.
It was mine, too.
I had given up on us long before I officially gave up on us.
You were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time.
Speaking of forgiveness…
9.You will feel guilty for being happy.
(Talk about generational trauma and conditioning!
)I felt guilty for loving my new freedom.
I felt guilty for embracing the new parts of myself as a woman that were emerging.
I felt guilty for seeing him suffer more than me.
)I felt guilty for relishing the stillness.
I felt guilty for enjoying the quiet.
Mind you, I wasnt blissful or over-the-moon or settled in a new life.
I was a hot mess.
But I could finally breathe on my own, and that made me happy.
10.You will think youre ready for a new relationship, but youre not!
(Again, its about them here, not you.
)Undoing old patterns and learning someone new in your first relationship will be a mindfuck.
An example: My ex-husband and I both love food.
We have eaten at almost all of the top Michelin star rated restaurants around Manhattan and beyond.
We spared no expense for a great piece of toro.
My first new beau post-divorce was kind of broke but incredibly hot.
We had a few sexy dates and I was floating on cloud nine.
He invited me over to his apartment for dinner, and yes, we actually did eat.
In this moment, I learned dating would be tough to swallow.
There is always comparison.
Finally, I came to the conclusion that nothing was wrong with me, I just wasnt ready.
My heart was not ready, and I had to honor that.
Be patient with yourself.
When I am ready, love will be easy.
When I choose to live authentically, the universe will open its arms and envelop me.
