You should be giving yourself a chance to fall in love, not looking for every reason not to.
I quickly saw a pattern, and it wasnt a positive one.
No one was excited.
Bence Boros
No one was hopeful about the plethora of prospects at their fingertips.
They were downright jaded.
Too many bad dates.
Too many matches that went nowhere.
I couldnt blame themtheir list of trials and tribulations was legit.
And sadly, this pessimism is trending among online daters.
Here are three signs you may need to step away from the swiping.
1.Youre making too many assumptions from too little information.
You see one photo or even something in the background of a photo and boomyou swipe left.
You have a reason.
Something in the photo told you something about that person that you knew you wouldnt like.
But heres the thing: you dont know.
Youre picking apart each photo and assigning a story to every piece.
We all do this to some extent, and we do it in almost every situation.
The rest we are making up based on historical data.
But you might be taking it a little too far and Ive witnessed it firsthand…
I dont swipe right on anyone with an incomplete profile.
If they didnt take the time to answer some questions, theyre either lazy or douchey.
He looks high maintenance.
No, he has a little dog.
I dont like guys with little dogs.
Yes, you must have some sort of selection process you cant swipe right on everyone.
But perhaps its time to take a step back and really look at your criteria.
Would you want the same assumptions made about you?
It isnt fair to use a bad date in the past against someone youve never met.
One person doesnt define another.
Cut them some slack.
You arent messaging your matches.
I dont understand this one.
You essentially said (albeit virtually), Yes, Im interested in you.
That person agreed that they are interested in you too.
It doesnt make sense.
Lets put it into a real-life scenario:
Two people are making eye contact across the room.
One person nods their head toward the barindicating they want to talkand gets up and walks to the bar.
The other person gets up as well and meets them there.
Now, I know the argument hereyou want the other person to start the conversation.
But why does it matter?
You already showed you were interested.
Youve already raised your hand.
Youre already out there, and youre not alone.
Youre both at the bar, now say something!
This is especially true when it comes to Bumble.
Ladies, youmuststart the conversation.
Thats the point of the entire app.
They cant message you!
If they dont respond, its no different than if you hadnt matched.
Delete them from your messages and move on.
There is no reason to be embarrassedor afraid of being embarrassedin a virtual setting.
No one is standing in front of you reading your reaction if youre rejected.
Thats the beauty of the apps.
If anything, you should be braver electronically than you are in person.
Youve both already shown up in the app and in the match.
Its the whistle to start the game, not end it.
You arent avoiding rejection by not messaging your matches.
You arent meeting up with your matches.
This one really gets to me.
Isnt the point of all these dating apps to actually go on more dates?
Instead, its like theyve become messaging services.
This goes back to the points above.
You are making assumptions based on messages and turning them into reasons not to like the match.
But how much can you really tell about someone from a string of messages?
Very little beyond basic factsjob, neighborhood, hobbies, family, etc.
And while those may be great get-to-know-you conversation starters, they by no means give you the full picture.
You cant decipher personality through a message.
You cant gauge humor, wit, or sarcasm.
You cant see sincerity, dignity, or nobility.
You must be in front of someone to truly see them.
I know, you dont want to be the one who asks for the date.
And you have your list of reasons to justify that to yourself.
Hes the guy, so he should ask.
I messaged first, so its her turn.
But again, you are already out there.
Who is really suffering by not taking another step?
Maybe it will be a great first date that turns into a serious relationship.
Maybe it will only last a couple months or a couple weeks.
Or maybe it will end as a first date that never went anywhere else.
Regardless of where it goes or how long it lasts, you still met someone new.
You opened your mind and expanded your web link.
You learned more about what you like and dislike in a potential partner.
And perhaps you even learned a little more about yourself.
These apps originated to make dating more efficient and accessible.
But they can only work if you are in fact accessible.
Bottom line,if youre on dating apps, you should actually be dating.
If you arent, it may be time to take a breather and reevaluate your mindset.
So remove all the assumptions and stop letting fear hold you back.
Yes, it can be scary.
They might not return your message or want to meet.
They might not like you or you might not like them.
But all that fear has you sidestepping possibility.
Its denying you the very reason youre in this.
There will be bad dates.
There will be disappointments.
You cant choose who you like or who likes you.
But you’re able to choose how you view each experience.
you might choose your perspective, your mindset, and your attitude.
When that happens, its okay to take a break.
Sometimes the game is best played from the sideline.
