Long-term relationships take a lot of forgiving if you want them to work.
That sounded pretty shitty to me.
Underneath the surface, I was yearning to know what you needed to do for a relationship to last.
Alex Holyoake
Id ask anyone I met who had been married over 20 years what their secret was.
And now, being married myself, I realize that yes, it does take work.
But not the kind of work I thought.
Choose to love each other when some days you dont even like each other.
That is not what Im advocating here.
Dont stop being who you are.
Alex Holyoake
Who got into Harvard graduate school just because she wanted to.
Who did her hair and got dressed up because she liked the way it made her feel.
Who moved to a farm on Hawaii because she needed a bit of a change.
This part of me was very much real and very much loved.
However, there was the other part of me who wanted a home, and family, and comfort.
If you want your relationship to last do not ever stop being who you really are.
Its why your partner fell in love with you in the first place.
I created a free training to help you find a soul fulfilling relationshiphere.
Growing up we all create a notion of what love is supposed to be like.
If your father was always busy and absent, you might have come to believe that love is lonely.
The point is that you have your own love blueprint and your partner has one, too.
Theyre probably going to look different, which is where a lot of conflict can enter into a relationship.
I have a client whose parents have been married for 40 years and made her a priority.
I helped her to realize that she had a certain love blueprint that her boyfriend didnt necessarily understand.
You cant force your partner to change their blueprint, so instead ditch the script.
Im not talking about two halves make a whole here.
However, once in the relationship you have to own your 50% of that new whole.
When conflict arises in a long-term relationship, we often want to blame our partner.
If he didnt say it like that, I wouldnt have gotten so upset.
If he stopped playing video games and would do some cleaning once in a while, I could relax.
If he called me like I asked, I wouldnt have to get jealous and insecure.
These are just some examples of things that I hear from clients.
Before blaming anything on them, you have to first own your 50.
Ask yourself if there was anything you could have done differently?
Did you own your own emotions or just blame them on your partner?
Long-term relationships take a lot of forgiving if you want them to work.
Therefore first and foremost, relax your rules.
If you truly feel hurt by something you then have a choice.
you’re free to choose to leave.
Even in marriage, it is still a choice.
In fact, I think this enhances a marriage, to remember that you always have choice.
Youre not stuck in a marriage against your own free will.
You still must choose each other, every single day.
Forgiveness may take time, and thats okay.
But once youve gotten to a place of forgiveness, it is vital that you also forget.
You, my beautiful friend, deserve nothing less than this.
