They are hungry, and some of them may not even know it.
But cheating in a relationship isnt exactly like sneaking a look at your smart peers answers on an exam.
Its not just about getting an A or extra Monopoly properties.
Bianca Des Jardins
Infidelity is far more complicated.
It is an arena of deep despair and fierce love.
It can also be playful, light-hearted, and positive (some people believe).
Its motivations are as hard to outline as they are easy to pin down.
If youre wondering whether or not your partner is cheating on you,read these words.
Insecurity
Behind every act of infidelity is often a large stomach.
Cheaters can crave, salivate, long for something, even if they arent aware of it.
That something often feeds an insecurity.
My cheating ex nursed a paradoxical need for humilityhe hated limelightand affection.
He shrugged off compliments but hungered for womens bodies, their applause, their brains.
Behind the nonchalance was a desperate desire to be desiredand validated.
This is what led him to maintain at least three affairs at any given time.
Its where the term emotional affair comes from, an illicit relationship that feeds an emotional insecurity or need.
Every normal relationship does have its own insecurities.
Building trust of someone you love is a difficult and mighty endeavor.
That being said, not every insecure relationship or partner is a prelude to a cheating mindset.
This decision ultimately rests with you.
Insecurities are stubborn weeds, however, and require a lot of self-work before they go away.
And well-nursed insecurities can rapidly become unhealthy addictions (and even pathology).
Some people have veritablesex addictions, and cheating becomes the mechanism to satisfy an insatiable craving for sexual activity.
These can be hard to diagnose and disassociate from a high sex drive.
Infidelity can thus be motivated by a need to satisfy addictive behavior from a purely physical perspective.
Cheating becomes the channel for frequent sexual encounters an individual fiercely desires.
Sex addictions are more common than you may think.
Some people estimate that more individuals are addicted to sex than prescription drugs.
My former unfaithful partner had a sex addiction.
The territory of addiction is hazy and fraught.
Sex addictions can also be harmful for your physical health.
Sex addicts can acquire STDs of all kinds and distribute them unknowingly.
It may be wise to move on so that you dont have to play the Savior.
Fear of Commitment
Its easy to joke about commitment and how we all run from it.
I think we should just be honest here.
The idea of a loving, fulfilling, committed relationship can be downright terrifying.
This is because commitment requires, well, effort.
It also urges vulnerability and honesty.
Sustaining all of these things for years and even decades can be simply overwhelming.
Some people cheat because of this fear.
They may turn to an affair at the moment a relationship deepens and flourishes.
People propose to their partners and then sleep with others the next day (it happened to me).
Commitment also means, in some eyes, dependence.
An affair has all the allure here of something free, unattached, and arbitrary.
It can be the explosive orgasm we all crave without the obligation for serious, soul-searching talks right after.
Its the reason why over one-third of marriages experience infidelity at some point, from one partner or both.
If your partner claims to have cheated for fear of commitment, that fear is on them.
They will ultimately be responsible for confronting that fear and discovering solutions for eradicating it.
At the very least, this is worth a serious conversation.
Revenge
Some people cheat on partners out of pure revenge.
In some cases, one cheating partner can create another cheating partner.
Malice has no place in any healthy relationship.
Nor do direct, persistent acts of manipulation.
If your partner cheats on you for enact revenge of some kind, consider packing a suitcase.
At the very least, have a real conversation about expectations and equality.
Incompatibility
We all know what its like to someone who doesnt fit you.
Incompatibility can be uncomfortable.
There are a lot of sharp edges to navigate.
You deserve to be with someone who resonates, like a tuning fork set to the right pitch.
Talk to your partner.
Talk about your incompatibilities.
Most importantly, talk about what you need before you stay or go.
Affairs can also be mechanisms for exploring sexuality previously untapped.
Infidelity can be the result of mere curiosity in this way.
Some people want to know that that kind of risk tastes like.
This is certainly one of the more tame reasons for having an affair.
If your partner has cheated out of pure curiosity, have a conversation.
Perhaps its time to talk about having an open relationship or a heart-to-heart about needs and expectations.
If you do stay, ensure you also get the satisfy your own curiosities along with your partner.
