I had the mask on her face and I said “nice big breaths” as I pushed propofol.
Right before she went out she said, “Thanks, I just had them done.”
1.Am I in hell?
Tyler Nix
I responded, No youre not, youre just in recovery.
…That sounds like something the devil would say.
Count backwards from 100 to prove it.
2.Patient was heavily sedated in ICU, nurse gave an enema.
Half conscious response: Honey you know I dont like it that way.
4.During my wisdom teeth surgery they were playing music, and Billy Jean comes on.
I said, Glad Michael Jackson could join us and that was the last thing I remember.
I still wonder what I was thinking.
Patient has a broken ankle fixed and was coming out of anesthesia when he was being wheeled out.
The anesthesiologist accidentally hit the door frame on the way out.
Patient: Did you just do surgery on my leg?
Anesthesiologist: Yes you had surgery and are waking up from it.
Patient: Then why are you running into things?
Very prim and proper lady under sedation.
As the scope was introduced, she exclaimed, Oooh!
Darling you said you wouldnt do that anymore.
8.My dad works with that stuff, funniest thing hes heard is: Hey mister doctor?
My ass itches and Im too high to scratch.
9.Had a patient wake up violently.
When he came to he said, Sorry, I thought I was a shark.
I had the mask on her face and I said, nice big breaths, as I pushed propofol.
Right before she went out she said, Thanks, I just had them done.
I looked at my preceptor, we looked at the circulator, and we all burst out laughing.
I now say, slow deep breaths, instead.
I love telling that story, that lady made all our days.
11.I knew a guy who had surgery and afterwards wanted to go home.
He wasnt recovered enough to and the nurse wasnt gonna let him get up yet.
At that the nurse stopped trying to keep him in bed, he stood and immediately ate the floor.
12.My wife is an anesthesiologist and her best line from a patient is: This is better than meth.
14.I broke my hand tumbling once and had to get surgery.
He goes to put the mask on my face and says, This is oxygen.
I cough as the mask goes on.
He pulls the mask away and I said, I trusted you.
Thats the last thing I remember.
My last words were,its ok, 5 second rule.
16.My husband kept telling the medical staff after his procedure that: Its okay, my wifes a doctor.
She knows what youre talking about.
I was trying not to laugh too hard but it was hilarious.
I still quote that at him sometimes!
18.When I was giving birth I was pretty out of it.
The radio was playing in the operating room, and Uncle Kracker came on.
I apparently yelled, I am not bringing my child into the world to this shit!
They turned the radio off.
19.Me coming to after getting wisdom teeth out:
So how long until the anesthetic kicks in?
Oh, your surgery is already done.
Man that was fast.
Its been two hours.
WOAH, DID I JUST TIME-TRAVEL?!
The student doctor accidentally wheeled me into the wall cause he was laughing so hard.
21.The anesthesiologist that came in to check me over had bright blue teeth and lips.
Keep in mind I was high as fuck.
I asked him how Smurfette was last night.
I passed out hearing the nurses laughing.
22.Right after giving midazolam I had a patient say, WOW, this feels like the 70s!
Still makes me cringe.
They almost never remember it afterward.
25.When I woke up from surgery, the doctors asked if I wanted anything to eat.
You got those crackers that come in packs of six with the cheese?
No, we dont have those.
Aw fuck man, thats bullshit.
We have the peanut butter ones, though.
AH, YEAH, BITCHIN!
And apparently 9-year-old me thought that meant they were going to kill me.
My mother says I gave her a look of absolute terror and then passed out.
He laughed and said, Where do you get THOSE steaks?!
She asked, Do you love me?
My stepdad replied, you’re gonna wanna go on and get your little Yoda shoes.
31.My uncle said someone started singing phantom of the opera.
Then immediately started rapping mumbled lines.
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST DOCTORS IVE EVER SEEN.
GIVING A 5 STAR REVIEW.
Wife said the nurses were cracking up.
My mother felt free to share that with EVERYONE.
Somehow my brain smooshed those two together.
My boyfriend still teases me about it.
36.My wife is an anesthesiologist.
When she was in fellowship she had a patient say they saw dicks dripping off the ceiling.
37.My adult sister had a pretty checkered past involving drugs.
I mean, and Ive taken some PRETTY CRAZY STUFF!
My mom was like smdh.
38.I was coming out of general anesthesia after a surgery to repair a broken leg.
My friends thought it was hilarious.
My mom was mortified.
Whoever you are sleepy man, I simultaneously thank you and hate you.
Turns out it was the battery on the laptop that was going to die.
Apparently the death rate for an ACL repair is pretty low.
Doctor: So is she on any medication?
Mom: TENNIS ELBOW!
Me: No, shes-
Me: She has tennis elbow.
Doctor: I can tell.
Mom: TENNIS ELBOW
43.Last year they were knocking me out for a colonoscopy.
It was the third time I had been put under in a year.
When I would wake up we would compare what I remembered to what she observed.
Plunger down 99, 98, 97 I remembered nothing more.
Minutes later I awoke.
The anesthesiologist espied me and came over quickly.
What did you remember?
You got down to 7!
44.I had surgery last week for the first time.
Apparently, right after they gave me the drugs I started talking about how cute my boyfriends butt is.
I was telling this to 3 male doctors.
Ive never seen a medical professional lose it like that before or since.
46.I had to go under for ear surgery once.
I thought itd be funny if I asked, Does anyone need anything while Im out?
right before I went under.
He timed it perfectly because his eyes rolled back as soon as he said it.
Me and the other nurses laughed for about 5 minutes straight.
48.Some 14 year old kid whispered, I fucked your mom.
49.Woke up after wisdom teeth surgery alone in a small recovery room.
50.I dont want you to be too surprised by my tattoo.
conservative looking Asian man with a Pinocchio tattoo around his penis, with his penis as the nose.
52.My dads an anesthesiologist.
He was treating a woman, and he said, Im putting you to sleep now.
She replied with the most horrified look on her face, Like a dog?!
Apparently it was funny.
From what I was told, the doctor had to excuse himself because he started laughing really hard.
Immediately starts freaking out, as one does when their penis is M.I.A
NURSE!
WHERES MY DICK?!
58.I was recently being put under for a colonoscopy.
They were adjusting my legs and such so my ass would be in prime camera insertion positioning.
59.I was the patient.
60.Ive had patients say, here we go!!!
and weee!!!
as I give them anesthesia.
