Imagine the heartache we could save ourselves if we were able to recognize the signs sooner.
Lovebombing, gaslighting, the silent treatment… What are they?
How do we know when theyre happening?
Photo byMona AzzanionUnsplash
Imagine the heartache we could save ourselves if we were able to recognize the signs sooner.
Stage 1: Pressure to commit
When the relationship begins, you literally cant believe your luck.
Every insecurity you have is seen, recognized, and proved wrong.
Youve finally found someone who wants a relationship as much as you do.
They make an effort to get to know you, to talk to you, and to compliment you.
They might talk about the long term things like holidays, marriage, moving in together.
Its literally a whirlwind.
This can sometimes feel a little intense.
Yet although everything looks perfect on paper when you get into a relationship with them, something feels off.
But it can be done.
They seem colder, less interested.
The first time it happens, its so subtle that you second guess yourself.
Youll probably tell yourself that your partner didnt mean it.
Perhaps you shouldnt have talked to that guy/been so quiet/said something when he forgot you were meeting.
And anyway, its probably a one-off.
Youre now confused about the negatives and craving the positives.
Theyre the glimpse of the person you know your partner to be.
c’mon know youre not stupid.
In unhealthy relationships, that doesnt happen,which is why this stage can feel like youre going insane.
How can everyone be wrong?
Stage 5: Feeling crazy
As well as minimizing your feelings, gaslighting makes you question reality.
You veer from one version of events to another and feel like youre the one at fault.
You might end up apologizing frantically and saying youll change.
And that must be your fault.
Completely bewildered, you often dont know if youll even hear from them again.
Either way, youll probably feel its your fault that your partner has disappeared.
You might even ask whether youre the toxic one.
After all, nobody can do this to someone without good reason.
Stage 7: The vicious circle
Toxic relationships can be over as quickly as they started.
The feeling of desolation doesnt leave you, but you start to be able to function.
And youre back to square one.
They couldnt live without you after all!
And theyll probably tell you thats the case.
Why do you feel like a shadow of yourself?
Was it your fault that it ended?
Have you imagined it all?
Truly toxic people lack the ingredient we all need to care and love normally: empathy.
Which means theyre incapable of taking any responsibility for the stuff they need to work on.
kindly ask yourself whether its all yours to carry.
Whatever youre feeling, kindly know that this is not your fault.
Abusive people can be highly intelligent, and many seek out partners with a caring, trusting nature.
Priming someone for abuse isnt just cruel and calculating, its also incredibly skilful.
Its also normal to still love and miss someone despite all of the above.
And save it for someone who is capable of loving you back.
