One thing I hear again and again is: I wish someone told me this sooner!
No one prepares us for navigating dating and relationships.
They dont include that in the high-school curriculum.
Its pretty much trial and error and trying not to get too burned in the process.
So here are the most life-changing pieces of relationship advice I wish I knew sooner:
1.
Your relationship success is basically determined before you even enter into the relationship.
It starts with who you choose.
And time and time again I was left utterly baffled as to why things never worked out for me.
Why did they never want me like I wanted them?
Why did it never get past a certain point?
Why did I always feel so powerless in my relationships?
But seriously, choice is everything.
You cant choose a loser and expect him to transform into a winner.
Focus on what matters, and these things arent what set the foundation for a lasting, loving relationship!
If you want a serious relationship, choose a guy who wants the same thing.
If you have certain values, choose a guy who shares those values.
If you want to start a family in the near future, choose a guy who also wants that.
Love isnt enough to conquer incompatibility and emotional baggage.
What are you bringing to the table?
If you want that amazing, emotionally healthy partner, you should probably be on the same wavelength.
Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves?
Were so worried about the relationship that we cant beinthe relationship.
I totally get it, though.
The fears are real.
What if he doesnt like me as much as I like him?
What if he isnt serious about me?
What if hes a liar like my ex?
What if hecheatson me?
What if he finds someone better?
You think hitting certain milestones will keep the crazies away, but that doesnt work either.
Maybe you think as soon as he calls you his girlfriend youll be able to relax.
Then he makes it official but you worry about him having second thoughts or changing his mind.
Stop all of it!
It gets you nowhere.
All youre doing is feeding your own insecurities and giving them more strength and power over you.
Also, it doesnt feel good to be around a stressed-out person.
venture to relax and just be in the moment.
you’re free to handle it.
And if you could handle it and youll be OK… then what is there to stress over?
You cant win them all.
This is probably the toughest lesson to learn, but so important for your sanity and self-esteem.
So lets say youre seeing a guy and you fall hard and fast.
He is everything youve ever wanted, he literally checks every box.
You cant help but get excited about the possibilities … but then he ends things.
And you are crushed beyond belief.
You mentally goback in time analyzing everything about the relationship to figure out what you did wrong.
Why werent you enough?
You just werent the right girl for him and thats OK because not everyone is a match.
You make a mess for yourself when you take it personally because it really isnt personal.
Its not that they were horribly flawed, it just wasnt right.
All you’re free to do is work on being your best self.
This is all you have control over.
Your vibe matters more than your looks.
Yes, looks matter.
No, they dont matter as much as you think.
And the good news is your vibe is totally under your control!
Its about managing your mood and not letting yourself be overcome by anxious thoughts and negativity.
It may feel like you have no control, but thats not the case.
you might control the thoughts you allow to key in your mind and your thoughts control how you feel.
When it feels good to be around you, he wants to be around you.
Thats really all it takes to get a man to commit and invest in you and the relationship.
Good relationships dont always feel good.
The highs are higher and the lows are lower.
Sometimes they will bring out the best in you because we all have inherent goodness within us.
Sometimes there will be nothing wrong in the relationship but you will feel sad or anxious or upset.
The feelings arent coming from him, theyre coming from you.
If youve been hurt in the past, this feeling of unease is your deep-seated trust issues.
A good relationship can give you these things for sure, but not on its own.
It has to start from within.
Or maybe we do know but think the right guy will make it all better.
Love forces you to face yourself.
Love brings up all that is unloved within us.
And you cant hide who you are when you are in a good, loving relationship.
Instead, you are forced to face it and deal with it.
Your partner will always reflect back who you really are (and vice versa).
And everything that happens will be much more emotionally significant.
Love isnt meant to make you happy, its meant to make you grow.
