Well just choose to stay happy, she replied.
I didnt realize then what I was describing was depression that would go undiagnosed for the next ten years.
I sat in an office on campus.
God & Man
This is what were dealing with, I said to my counselor.
I dont need some lesson in what depression is I just need to know how to live with it.
We spent the next year working together.
God & Man
The thing about depression is, its not like something that consumes your life every day.
It comes and goes.
I can describe it only as a dark cloud that lingers.
On your best day, its the tap on your shoulder reminding you its close by.
On those days, you dont look like yourself.
You dont sound like yourself.
I wake up and I want to go back to sleep.
I wake up and theres nothing in my day Im looking forward to.
I contemplate calling out of work because I just dont care.
Im not hungry even when I cant remember the last time I ate.
I dont want to get ready.
I dont want to shower.
I just want to lay there.
Then Im overcome with guilt because I know she worries.
Everyone has bad days.
But rather the opposite.
People who suffer from depression are the kindest ones youll ever meet.
They look at the world not through negative lenses and how bad it is, they already know that.
But they look at the world and every individual in it with compassion and understanding that few know.
Depression isnt that stereotype we grew up thinking about.
It isnt the loner.
It isnt the person who is mean or the bully.
It isnt the person wearing all black.
Its the person who watches you closely and notices when you arent acting the way you usually are.
Its the person who pulls you aside and asks if you want to talk about it.
That job gives them a reason to keep going.
Depression is a strength you dont see and battles you dont know someone is fighting.
What you dont see is the pep talk they gave themselves to get up that day.
Because its those people and moments youll think of on a bad day.
You dont let it.
You replace negativity with being the most positive person people know.
You replace the lies you tell yourself with being honest with everyone.
You replace judgment with compassion.
You replace feeling sorry for yourself and crying with the gratitude and appreciation for others.
You replace moments of hate within yourself with the love you feel deeply for everyone else.
