Break ups and death have more similarities than one could admit.
The most obvious among all is that both draw an end.
When someone dies, a life ends.
Jason Blackeye
When a break up takes place, a relationship ends.
DENIAL
The first girl walked in just right after our break up.
Shes the girl that refused to believe its the end.
Jason Blackeye
I think its a common reaction when youre dealing with loss.
You deny the reality of the situation.
She thought that giving it some time will change his mind.
Its just a bad day, thats what she kept saying to herself.
She was still so convinced that he loves her more that anyone and anything in this world.
Thats your defense mechanism, you ignore everything that you dont want to believe.
And thats what she did.
She forced herself to believe that they can still fix their relationship and everything else will be okay.
A photo of her ex and a girl made rounds on a social media site.
When she caught a glimpse of it, the pain re-emerged, and anger came along with it.
She was dumbfounded and infuriated at the same time.
There she was, trying to work on herself for him.
She hated him for breaking her heart.
She hated it when people claim that she deserves better.
She blamed everyone for the break up that took place because thats easier.
Put the blame on everyone else except for herself.
Because its easier to hate on life than pretend shes happy.
She spent days doing everything he hated.
She would go home drunk multiple times and would blame him for being miserable.
She liberated herself from all the remnants of their relationship.
She resented everything that has to do with him.
There are times that shell feel guilty for being angry, but this only makes her angrier.
Heres the girl that stayed the longest.
She was an empty shell wandering through the motions of life day by day.
Shed wake up and question herself why she even bothered opening her eyes.
Too overwhelmed with everything that happened, she doesnt want to deal with it anymore.
She skipped work for a week and avoided all her friends.
Everything was just too much for her.
She cried herself to sleep each night praying so hard for God to make everything stop.
She wanted to feel numb inside.
She wanted to be numb from the pain, the doubts, and the disappointments.
She can hardly recognize herself anymore.
She was drowning but has no intentions of being saved.
These are the things that some people did not realize when I was this girl.
No, there isnt.
You cope up with pain by letting yourself go through it.
You cope up with pain by acknowledging its existence.
Its as if all the crying and sleepless nights did not occur, she suddenly became hopeful.
She started reminiscing and started thinking of the possibility of them getting back together.
Then came the long days of begging and chasing.
She would happily settle for anything as long as she would remain a part of his life.
Even the most doltish idea of being the other girl was good enough for her.
Its funny how she was once the girlfriend, and yet she would consider being this shallow.
She sent out long sappy text messages and called him numerous times.
Until all the rejections piled up, until her heart got tired of waiting, of hoping.
Until all thats left to do was let defeat sink in.
This is what we all do.
Strike a deal with God to avoid the reality.
You are so afraid to start over and let go that youd rather have your heart tormented.
But you cannot postpone the inevitable.
End one way or another will always be the bottom line of everything, be it good or bad.
Meeting her was an eye-opener.
I was okay to settle with being all the other girls except her.
She carried the truth, after all, the one that Ive ignored for so long.
But despite all the things she went through.
she was the girl with a heart so much better than the rest.
I avoided her because she scares me.
She was the idea of continuing life without him and being at peace with what happened.
She still had a hesitant heart, but she dealt with pain in a clearer mind.
She was the girl with all the willingness to make herself better.
Not for anyone, nor to make her ex-realize his loss… but just simply for herself.
She was ready to look for the silver lining.
She was ready to embrace the beginning of an ending.
Taking a leap of faith is the most emancipating thing you could do for yourself.
Take that leap of faith in starting over.
You deserve an endless possibility of happiness.
Everyone does, even the most damaged soul.
No, its not like that.
What did not transpire was not meant to take place in your life.
I had a hard time accepting this fact, but really, you just have to go through it.
No shortcuts, no temporary fixes.
Nope, I didnt feel any better… not yet.
But it did make me realize that life is just life as it is.
Its not always going to be in your favor.Lighten up and just continue living.
Bad days dont last…and so are heartaches.
