I cant answer how long we dated.
I cant answer how many weddings we went to.
But all I remember is the one I stood at alone.
Mickael Tournier
But what I can answer is did I love you?
It left my healing process blurry and uncertain of what was real and what wasnt.
It left me laying alone at 2AM playing the what if game.
Mickael Tournier
It taught me goodbyes dont ever actually hold the weight of its definition not when you run in circles.
I truly believed a history entitled me to your future.
A future that wasnt just an idea but one we talked about.
The word wife never scared me as much as it did you.
Not if you were the one standing beside me.
I would have been really proud to stand next to you.
Like someone has knocked the wind out of you.
A list of firsts run through my mind because you held all of them.
I didnt need someone label to fall head over heels in love with you.
And not only that but it was her who got every word I deserved to hear.
And I look at a stranger who has the life I always thought would be mine.
Because you didnt choose me.
And thats what it came down to.
Regardless of our history or how we each felt and what was real and what wasnt.
The reality was it was never going to be me.
I remember the night it ended.
Whatever that IT was and I remember not believing you.
Everyone else was just a compilation of time to waste.
But with her it was different.
Jealousy is an ugly quality to have and not one Im proud of.
But I look at her and I wonder what she had that I didnt.
And Ill always compare myself and feel like I fell short.
But if love was something to be won I put up a hell of a fight.
And it wasnt me.
Even when I wanted it to be.
