The title resonated with me, since Ive never been the kind of girl to casually date for fun.
I tried in the past to be casual.
And it always went terribly.
Hian Oliveira
So I clicked on this article to feel validated, I guess.
But as I read more, I couldnt help but cringe a bit.
I felt the old me the anxious me creeping up.
After my most recent failed relationship, my best friend slapped me with reality.
He exclaimed that I dont allow new relationships time to naturally blossom.
That notion baffled me.
My best friend had a great point.
It definitely happens in some cases, but it doesnthaveto happen.
Since then, Ive been on a mission.
Im dating someone new whos amazing.
My boyfriend is the epitome of a nice guy while also being a partner-in-crime pop in.
But this time, I want to squash my old dating anxiety.
Im allowing room to decide, maturely, if this relationship is right for both of us.
As a hopefulromantic, this is hard AF, though.
If Im not careful, I quickly slip back into my irrational, anxious way of thinking.
But Im fighting that; Im being conscious of my old ways.
This time, Im choosing to date slowly.
And this is how Im doing it.
Wanting to be very serious from the get-go could be a sign of some insecurities you have.
Maybe you have a fear of abandonment.
Perhaps you seek validation through the people you date.
Whatever the reason may be, though, considering the bang out of men you date wont hurt.
Think of a relationship like building a house.
You need a solid foundation.
What you want is stability.
Forget the rollercoaster, instant fireworks bullshit.
Thats an idea perpetuated by the media.
A solid foundation is someone who chooses you.
Someone that talks to you throughout the day.
And yes, that might be the nice guy.
Let their actions guide your decisions.
Pick people that treat you right and create a solid foundation.
Change Your Perspective
There are a few perspectives on dating you oughta consider.
The process is simple: When you change beliefs, you change your way of thinking.
When you change your way of thinking, you change your actions.
And changing your actions creates a new life.
Consider what your beliefs are on these three topics and watch your perspective on dating change.
My partner should be in the same emotional place as me.
Two people will never be in the same emotional place.
There will always be one person that likes the other more.
Most of the time that will fluctuate between the partners throughout the relationship.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.
It doesnt mean your partner isnt invested, and it doesnt mean they wont get to where youre at.
If I question if I want to be with them, the relationship isnt meant to be.
Dating is all about questioning if you want to be with the other person.
Youre supposed to get to know them.
Figure out their interests.
Its a sign that maybe our idea of an ideal partner wasnt right.
Were only capable of deciding what could make us happy from our past experiences.
So it is perfectly normal and healthy to question the relationship along the way.
Just be sure to consider whether those beliefs are well-founded ones.
Wanting to spend the rest of their life with me should be their goal.
I am so completely guilty of this one.
This whole article is about dating slowly.
Most people decide that they want to marry their partner years down the road.
Its not like in the movies where they say I love you mere weeks into meeting each other.
Thats why I dated a lot of assholes, and my relationships ended badly.
When youre in your new relationship, verify to check-in with yourself.
Take note of what is going on in the relationship and how youre feeling.
Create Boundaries
For many people, standing up for ourselves is hard.
We know what we need from our partner, but were too scared to say so.
If you want to date slowly, boundaries are crucial.
You cant be spending every night at your significant others house if its detrimental to your career.
Your needs cant be put on the back-burner for theirs.
Create healthy boundaries from the get-go.
That way youre not caught up in the relationship in a way thats detrimental to your well-being.
Dont Ignore Red Flags
I one time dated a guy with the following red flags:
1.
Broke up with me once before via text message
2.
Made sexist jokes
4.
12 years my senior and loved to brag about dating a younger girl
5.
Discharged from the military
6.
Couldnt go one night without drinking.
There are red flags you cant ignore simply because you see the relationship lasting long-term.
Each part of the house is built slowly.
First the foundation, then the frame, windows, doors, plumbing, electrical, drywall, etc.
A relationship is the same way.
You get to know one another.
Find out if youre compatible.
Get involved with their life and them in yours.
You spend time doing things the other loves.
And through all these experiences, a deeper bond forms (or not).
Allow yourself and your partner time to become friends, fall in love, and consider forever together.
After all, you cant rush something you want to last forever.
