Ive only been a ghostee once in my life, and it sucked a lot.
Forming a connection with a person is intimate.
But Ive also been that asshole; I am not proud to say it, but I have ghosted.
Lisa Fotios
Not every date is likely to be a home run.
A couple of dates I went on were, without a doubt, strikeouts.
Well, maybe not without a doubt.
They kept at it; how have you been?
I couldve been more responsible and told them I just didnt feel the connection.
Alas, I chose the cowards way out.
And yes, I see ghosting as cowardly.
But I learned a lot from being a ghoster and a ghostee.
Its not fair, lets start with that.
But there are ways to move through this and move through it you must because you deserve happiness.
Its rarely your fault
Dating in Los Angeles has opened my eyes to peoples insecurities.
Instant gratification is not conducive to meaningful relationships.
So when a person ghosts you, it probably doesnt have to do with you in particular.
Maybe they dont want a serious relationship, or they are too committed to their work.
Or, to quote one of my favorite early 2000s movies, maybe theyre just not that into you.
But let me tell you right now: thats perfectly fine.
You are not the issue; your compatibility is.
Youre not going to be right for everyone.
Could you see yourself dating Donald Trump?
Im sure youd happily ghost him (or maybe punch him in the face).
Just because a random date didnt admire them doesnt mean youre any less of a person.
Curiosity is a natural human desire.
Your Feelings are Valid
What you feel is real, period.
Dont let people negate your feelings by telling you the person was an asshole and you should move on.
Its perfectly fine to be upset.
Consider giving yourself a limit, though.
Ruminating thoughts arent going to help you move on.
While its great to feel your feelings, you deserve happiness.
Make Your Own Closure
Closure seems to be an essential aspect of moving on for people nowadays.
But with technology being our primary source of communication, we cant always guarantee that well receive it.
More often than not, we wont.
And we need to learn how to cope with that.
So fuck their reasons make your own closure.
Write down a list of all the reasons you didnt like the person.
All the reasons you couldnt see a future together.
All the times they made you feel uncomfortable or said something slightly racist/sexist/down-right mean/etc.
Someone that willingly removes themselves from your narrative doesnt deserve your time; that includes time thinking about them.
Thats not the case though.
The important thing here is not to let that impact how you continue dating.
So I leave you with one last thought; dare to keep putting your feelings on the line.
Dating culture nowadays is almost like a battlefield; you have to risk a few scars and bruises.
