Let that free you.
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Updated 7 years ago,October 17, 2018
It sounds crazy I know, but its true.
The key to happiness, to success, to powerany of these thingsis not to want them really bad.
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Its not putting what youre after on a pedestal.
That being rich isnt that great.
That getting lots of attention is a chore.
That being in love is also a lot of work.
That the prettiest view in the world still has mosquitos or a biting chill or its hot as hell.
Not that this observation is particularly new or brilliant, but Im not bringing it up to complain.
I want to talk about something we seeancient Stoicspractice almost as an art form: Contempt.
Marcus Aurelius writes of sitting down to a bountiful feast.
Hewas emperor at the height of the power of Romeso it would have been a pretty nice one.
But he didnt look out and see fancy wine or haute cuisine.
Or perhaps he did at first glance, but he urged himself to look deeper.
When he did,he repeated to himselfwhat he really saw:
This is a dead fish.
Why would someone do this?
Why would someone contemptuously remove all the dressing and presentation and anticipation from a nice meal?
Or from the power and majesty of his role as emperor?
(In Rome, only the emperor could wear the purple robe).
Well, because those things are total bullshit.
He didnt just limit this exercise to food or power either.
Thats admittedly a gross and meaningless way to describe something thats both pleasurable and an expression of love.
Louis CKhas talked about the same thing.
On his way home he passed one of those creepy peep show booths and paid to go in.
(More on this in the wonderful bookThe Philosophy of Louis CK.)
Louis CKalso talks abouthow his dream was always to perform as a comedian at Carnegie Hall.
Finally, after years of hard work and success, he gets the opportunity.
Yet almost immediately, his mind starts to see the other side of it.
That it wasnt what he built up in his head.
I figured Id get a calligraphy-written envelope saying youve been invited by this committee.
Its not as if the Stoics were Cynics who renounced all worldly goods.
They just understood what these things reallywere.
Its what allowed them to utilize them effectively, without becoming dependent on them.
This can often be a lesson you have to experience to fully understand.
You have to get to the other side of the fence to understand the grass isnt actually greener.
Earlier this year I won a Grammy for an album I was a part of.
It was very exciting to get dressed up and go.
What was it actually like getting one though?
Certainly having done it now decreases my yearning for any other such prizes, I can tell you that.
Because having one hasnt changed my life one bit.
Whenwe are young and ambitiouswe are susceptible to what psychologists would call the belief in conditional happiness.
That we will suddenly feel good about ourselves if we get this good thing.
That everything has its problems.
Its a depressing thought at first and a lot of people fear it.
If everything sucks does that mean that its all meaningless and that theres no point to do anything?
No, not at all.
Just understand what they are actually are.
What they are actually like.
Not dressed up in legend, but in truth.
Grasping the true essence of things is the secret to happiness.
I write books becauseas grinding and annoying as the process can be, its also immensely pleasurable and satisfying.
I can actually live the idea that the effort is all we have, and the results are extra.
Better, dont even need the fruits because the action is the only part that doesnt really suck.
Its very tempting to make these things ones whole life, to see them as perfect and imperishable.
But this is dangerous and delusional.
Still, its also tempting to assume that happiness and self-worth will come along with achieving them.
So a little contempt is a helpful tool to create objectivity and perspective.
Marcus Aurelius still enjoyed his nice meal.
I still enjoy the things I love.
Taking those two seconds to see them from another angle before he did so?
Thats the secret to enjoying and appreciating and not being enslaved to them.
