I didnt matter here either, or any of my worries.
I was just a girl walking down the street.
Ive no idea what may be around itI dont want to have.
Its nicer to not know.
Big enough that you cant help but watch out the window as you drive by.
Ive had this affinity for cemeteries since college.
I couldnt get enough of Anne, so I read books about her too.
At least I like to think so.
You were just struck by this overwhelming sense of the continuity of life.
People with problems and struggles, with things they wished for, and cried tears over.
People with dreams and aspirations who lived and died.
These things we all experience.
Whatever problems these people experienced, whatever anxieties or heartbreaks, distress or dismay, didnt matter anymore.
It just didnt matter.
And one day it wouldnt matter for me either.
Not in a nihilistic way.
To experience it all in its entirety, the beautiful ugliness of my own mortality.
New York gives you that same feeling.
Ill never forget my first time walking down the street there.
I didnt matter here either, or any of my worries.
I was just a girl walking down the street.
One of god knows how many others that day.
But theres this other feeling thats just as liberating as our own insignificance.
It had been years since I had experiencednewnessto this degree on my own.
Not even traveling to Montreal by myself had made me feel like this.
Like the same old fish in a much bigger pond.
Fuck, this was anocean.
Going away to college had once felt like this.
And starting high school before that.
But this time, I wasnt looking for a blank slate like I did when I was younger.
I wasnt looking to start over.
To be someone brand new.
To run away from my problems.
To pretend they never happened.
I didnt want to press a restart button on my life.
There was potential on that street.
What stories could they have for me?
What memories to share?
I felt that I could.
I felt that I should.
And I wrapped that feeling up in a bow and took it home with me.
And even though I will probably never see them again, that moment mattered.
Moments like these are the only ones that do.
The moments that make up a life.
