It was a thing you were unaware of and you did often when you looked at me.
It was a feeling I lived for that I selfishly wanted to keep and bottle up.
It was something that belonged to me.
Angelina Litvin
That look, that tongue, those teeth when you took me in that was all mine.
On your living room floor.
During that period somehow we always ended up there.
You were taking a sip of wine and asking me if I wanted some.
And I took it in, swallowed it thirstily, swallowed it like water, like sustenance.
You knew it and you loved it.
Thats the way it always with us.
Total power exchange back and forth, again and again.
The way we fucked was utterly consuming.
So would have been the way we loved.
We were the epitome of passion come to life in a violent storm.
And I did, I loved you so much.
I loved you without logic, without any reason to, I didnt even know why.
Maybe because theres no room for love without lust for me.
We were laying there spent.
I was covered in your sweat.
I had never seen so much sweat.
It took us two whole songs to catch our breath.
You moved to your side to face me and did that thing you always did with your lips.
You were stroking my hair and said,Look at me.
I was afraid to because I knew I wouldnt be able to hide the hurricane behind my eyes.
I was laying there in complete bliss and already holding back tears because I knew how it went.
I didnt have much time left with you.
But I could never deny you of anything, so I let my eyes meet yours.
I love you, Nat.
You know I love you, right?
And maybe you did, but just not enough.
I believed you back then.
I thought we were different, but still special.
Now, I know better.
Photographing the little marks from your vehement touch and hanging them.
Wearing your fingerprints like my favorite dress.
There you were, the shiniest, prettiest little blade I ever did see.
My flesh willing to put itself to good use.
My throat open and ready.
But, theres no victim here, I suppose Ive always had a penchant for being used.
The thing besides fucking or lying we were always best at is ending again and again.
You coming back and making your presence known like a ghost.
Haunting me, holding me down, digging into my bones.
My skin still searing since your hands last roamed through me, still welcoming your matchstick fingers.
I wouldnt let you touch me now.
First, I chose to stay away because I was always weak for you.
Now, Im staying away because youre powerless.
I saw a picture of you the other day and I felt desensitized.
Im sorry it took me so long.
just take my hand.And if today I heard you knocking, I wouldnt.
I no longer feel the things I felt for you.
I shouldve known that last night I left your house and looked up at the sky.
The moon wasnt out for us.
