By
Updated 8 years ago,May 25, 2017
Unfamiliar.
These are all words that came to my mind meeting him.
The scariest stories are the ones you dont know the endings too.
dashapats
The ones where love rewrites everything you once had planned for yourself.
Suddenly someone new enters the pictures and changes everything.
I think thats what I feared most.
dashapats
So this same thing I claimed I wanted was the also this thing I never gave a chance to.
While it hurt to watch a recurring theme of failed relationships there was something familiar about it.
The truth was I didnt have horrible taste in people I just was a creature of habit.
It was something I accepted and almost oddly welcomed.
For so long I thought maybe love wasnt mine to be had.
Maybe there are some people who are supposed to be alone.
Some people simply meant to help others fill voids as they break themselves to make others whole.
Maybe my role was simply to heal others at the cost or hurting myself more.
I looked at happy couples both envious but knowing it might not be in the cards for me.
I knew half-hearted love stories that all ended the same way.
I was used to conversations ending midway as I sent double texts.
I was used to being ignored.
Even when I gave them my full attention.
I was used to the games and confusion.
And never being a priority, even when I made them mine.
It was someone choosing me first.
It was someone starting every conversation.
It was every text and call saying good morning or good night.
It was making plans that didnt fall through and someone keeping their word.
It was me not having to do so much work and someone meeting me halfway.
It was talking to someone throughout my entire day.
It was watching me fall knowing very well this time someone would catch me.
You think that would be met with a sigh of relief but it was.
Initially, this was met with rejection.
Pushing him away every time he stepped closer.
Why is he acting like this?
Why is he saying this?
What does he want?
Simply trying to be what someone needed always.
But all he wanted from me was my time and attention.
The love I wasnt sure I could give.
It was holding back tears as he held me close.
It was freezing when he asked, are you okay?
It was not being able to speak when he asked, did I do something wrong?
Youre doing everything right.
More thoughts that ran through my mind was thinking this was weird.
But what I came to realize was, this was normal.
