Loving is a choice.
Brad came to me with excitement one day.
Lets dothese 36 questions posted by theNew York Times, he said.
God & Man
Theyre supposed to create deep intimacy between two people.
Being the highly emotional creature I am, I was in.
The researchers who designed the questions claimed they would make two people fall in love.
They started light and simple and slowly became more profound.
So Brad and I gave them a shot.
It perplexed me; when we broke up, I thought back to the questions.
I dont share that stuff with justanyone!
But that was two years ago.
And though we did not fall in love, Ive had many men to make up for him.
Seven to be exact.
Seven men that, at the respective times, claimed to love me until the end.
So why, then, am I just with one man?
Why is it that the guy I call my boyfriend prevailed over the others?
Well, obviously, each failed relationship had its own unique defects.
Maybe a better question is, Why can I believe the love that is offered to me this time?
Loving is a unique ability only humans can create awareness around.
Its an art because we can improve upon the skill, sort of like a craft.
As the authorGary Chapmanstated, Falling in love is easy.
Staying in love, thats the challenge.
And are we willing to do so even if the person may not choose us one day?
The uncertainties in love are scary.
How can we know someone will make a great partner?
Bingo teammate well into retirement?
How can we know we wont be betrayed?
Our hearts not crushed?
Our love not taken advantage of?
And the answer is plain and fucking simple:We dont.
But just because we cant be certain doesnt mean we cant try.
Loving is a choice.
You find a person that makes your heart flutter and whose company you thoroughly enjoy.
You understand each other; you could see yourself growing old with them.
So you choose them; you choose a life with them.
But it wont be the only time youll have to choose them.
Because the doubt will creep in.
Theyll eventually hurt or disappoint you.
But how do I know his words of forever are true?
But I can trust that hes choosing me, and thats the biggest part of this equation.
That equals, I hope, lasting love.
We have open and honest communication, regularly checking in on one another.
We both have the ability to speak our emotions, fears, and appreciations of one another.
But all because we are both making a choice.
The success of their relationship hung on one main thing: a choice.
The two chose to love each other.
Just like Brad and I chose not to.
Just like my current boyfriend and I choose to.
Sure, love is a bit more nuanced.
But lasting love, I believe, is not.
Youll never find a perfect person who wont disappoint.
Every single relationship is going to have its lows.
And then those lows come, youll have to make a choice.
In the end, thats the secret to lasting love.
