I didnt know when I was married that emotional pain could hurt worse than physical pain.
My own inability to tell the difference when I was married is WHY Im divorced today.
In everyones defense, including my own, the differences can be hard to detect.
Brodie Vissers
If it were easy, therapists and divorce attorneys would have trouble finding work.
Its not only subtle, but ever-changing.
The shitty behavior of husbands and wives may be healthy and totally acceptable in different relationships with different partners.
What is NOT shitty today may one day become shitty.
What is shitty today may one day cease to be shitty.
Its little wonder we have so many disagreements in our relationships.
Brodie Vissers
More subtle than the flavor of Coke vs. Pepsi.
Even more subtle than the difference between the words complement and compliment.
…
Youre a female-worshipping pussy!
some tough guy said.
Another guy characterized my ideas as old-fashioned and unrealistic.
I was right, therefore she was wrong.
Here I was doing or not doing all of these things she wanted me to do differently.
Whats the Difference?
Dont you see the inherent danger there?
But I absolutely believe theyre the scariest things.
The things we dont see coming.
I wasnt a bad guy.
Most guys arent bad.
But I WAS a shitty husband.
You always say that you were a SHITTY husband!
How do you know?!
Maybe your wife was just being a control freak or an insufferable nag!
Maybe SHE was the shitty one!
You know what, maybe she was sometimes.
I dont think about things like that.
I did things that hurt my wife.
Not anywhere on the outside of her.
Like she was a child I perceived to be acting overly dramatic about a tiny scrape.
Like she didnt know how to rank or manage discomfort.
This is what it looks like to not possess empathy nor understand the words meaning.
A shitty wife disregards her husbands desire to feel appreciated as payback for feeling unappreciated herself.
A shitty wife berates and shames her husband anytime he performs a task differently than she would have.
Wheres the Line?
Where is the line between being responsive to your partners needs, and drawing a boundary around your own?
said MBTTTR commenter Lindsey in a recent conversation that inspired this post.
the male commenter asked.
I think its quite simple.
Theres nothing easy about it.
But it is simple.
Because heres what happens.
An event takes place.
A moment comes and goes.
Maybe someone did or said something.
Maybe someone forgot a calendar event or special occasion.
By all means, dont get married if you believe the relationship is doomed to fail.
Love is a choice.
And when we marry someone, we are to give that love freely for the rest of our lives.
But thats what a shitty spouse issomeone who wont give love because its inconvenient or doesnt feel good.
So, I looked in the mirror and figured out who to blame for my divorce.
Because theres a better life out there.
One I didnt find blaming everyone else for my problems.
