So the boys grow up repeating the sins of their fathers.
Not because theyre bad.
Just because they didnt know better.
Tim Marshall
By
Updated 8 years ago,May 19, 2017
The world fails men.
We fail everyone, but we fail men in particular.
Many of these guys are amazingly virtuous.
Many are trying their best every day to live according to the values instilled in them.
Theyre simply following the examples of their male role models from their youth.
Men are taught that status is everything.
Tim Marshall
Its reinforced by women, because women are often attracted to high-status men.
Men pursue physical attractiveness.
Men pursue business ventures, athletic competitions and hobbies where they succeed.
Men pursue sexual conquests.
Men pursue the accumulation of material possessions.
What men really want is to have PURPOSE.
And all of those aforementioned successes have a legitimate purpose in our personal lives.
Im not trying to trivialize success in personal ventures.
It matters to all of us.
These are the mortal enemies of all of us, but surely for men.
Most of What We Believe About Marriage and Relationships Is Wrong
Its not our fault.
I thought the same thing.
But its a dirty lie we accidentally tell ourselves.
Good men can be colossally shitty husbands.
it’s possible for you to be a brilliant musician and still not know how to play several instruments.
I still get the occasional note accusing me of man-bashing and betraying my own gender.
The last thing I want to be is someone adding to the negativity.
As if I somehow know more about life or relationships or anything than any other guys out there.
Burning sensations while peeing?
Traffic jams when youre in a hurry?
That whiny cartoon kid, Caillou?
Pretty sure thats the entire list.
Im not on any one groups side.
Im on EVERYONES side.
Sometimes I Can Help, So I Must
Im not better nor smarter than you.
Im probably worse and dumber.
But I might still be able to help.
Maybe not your partner.
Maybe not your friends nor family.
But someone, probably.
I hit a couple of quasi-significant personal milestones recently.
I turned 38 about a week and a half ago.
We never feel as old as we are, right?
That number doesnt seem as significant to me as it did when my parents were my age.
But 38-year-olds can know things.
Ive been eligible for the U.S. presidency for three years now.
Also, April 1 marked four years since my marriage ended.
If my divorce was someone elses fault, then that means its a lottery.
But if Im responsibleand I am responsiblethen theres hope.
I dont have to be afraid of it happening again.
My marriage ending was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
There is no close second-place thing.
Ive been thinking about that ever since.
What that child has to carry because of me.
Hes in third grade, so he hasnt asked me any hard questions yet.
But he probably will someday.
Thats when hell realize that his father failed his mother, and by proxy, him.
When we put others first, our lives are satisfying and filled with meaning.
And then we inadvertantly damage ourselves.
It can ruin us.
Broken people raising broken children.
Broken fathers raising broken sons.
Broken men raising broken boys and girls who dont always learn how to be whole again.
Girls who may never learn what its supposed to look and feel like when a husband loves a wife.
Boys and girls become the new men and women.
And then they dont teach their sons the things they needed to know.
So the boys grow up repeating the sins of their fathers.
Not because theyre bad.
Just because they didnt know better.
Because their parents didnt know.
And their grandparents didnt know.
And neither did anyone else.
Marriage is difficult, and everyone knows it just like we know that fire can burn us.
And too often, for a long time afterward.
