PTSD and trauma affect our sexual relationships, so how about we actually talk about it!
Alisa: Hello dear sir, could you tell me a little about yourself?
Charlie: Of course, madam.
Aaron Burden
There was one time when we were having sex that you had to stop and started crying.
You mentioned the myriad ways that he often used guilt to elicit emotion from you.
Alisa: Were you surprised?
Aaron Burden
I had never seen that in you.
Alisa: Were you afraid?
Charlie: I wasnt afraid, but I was enraged.
Isnt it the worst?
Its the worst for me.
Charlie: Haha, it does suck.
I couldnt help but wonder if I had done something to trigger that response.
And then Ill announce to you that I think we are never having sex again.
Do you ever feel frustrated or afraid that its true?
Charlie: I always reassure you that its not true because Ive known it to not be true.
Charlie: I would tell younger Charlie two things:1.
These reactions are not about you, it is about your partner.
It is a physical reaction that sets ones mind off on a path where they relive a horrible moment.
Sometimes youl have to full-on stop sex at its craziest point or when youre close to finishing.
But be patient because your support and understanding will mean the world to them.
And boy, will you enjoy it when it does.
Alisa: What advice would you give to someone supporting their partner through healing?
The most important piece of advice is to listen and be there for them when they need it.
Alisa: What has been the scariest parts for you and how do you deal with that?
Do you ever just want to press the EJECT button?
The scariest part is seeing your partner feel helpless.
I had to watch you lay in bed, unable to face the world, unable to smile.
But that is all that it is: a moment.
I know that what you may feel like during the dark times is not who you are.
You are strong, you are intelligent, you are beautiful and you persevere.
THAT is who you are, and anything less than that is a fleeting moment.
Alisa: Final question: Why are you so goddamn AMAZING?
Charlie: Because I was raised to respect and accept good people regardless of their backgrounds.
I was raised to be in touch with my emotions.
We need more empathy and understanding in this world.
