shrug/smile as she tries to squeeze her mat in last minute.
She always has a Christmas tree.
It somehow doesnt shed needles into the carpet.
Ari Eastman
Shes never left a pumpkin out too long after Halloween and watched it wither and rot and shrink.
The woman Im never going to be knows how to style her hair into those Lauren Conrad beach waves.
It never looks greasy.
Her undercut is always trimmed and never feels like a Chia Pet who was neglected.
She doesnt know how to spell split ends.
Shes photogenic, even when shes telling a story.
The woman Im never going to be is balanced.
shrug/smile as she tries to squeeze her mat in last minute.
She always eats her greens.
She never just eats potatoes and chicken over the sink.
She is always in control.
But in like, a chill way.
The woman Im never going to be forgives her family for being human.
She doesnt roll her eyes towards people who reach out after years of radio silence for favors.
She calls her mother regularly.
She feels comfortable being human in front of said family.
The woman Im never going to be is friends with her exes.
Shes not an ice queen.
She doesnt block numbers like its going to win her some sort of prize.
And she is okay with that.
She doesnt write anyone off or set boulders instead of boundaries.
The woman Im never going to be has a 5-year plan.
She vision boards and manifests and meditates and is absolutely not the co-star in her own metaphorical movie.
She can see where shes headed, where she wants to go.
And more than that, shes directing herself on how to get there.
She never feels lost, never feels like she needs a map.
Shes her own compass.
Shes never felt like she was anything else.
The woman Im never going to be sleeps 8 hours a night, regularly.
She doesnt snore or sweat or drool.
She would cringe at the word drool.
She also always changes her sheets each week.
She never eats in bed.
Shes never found hair ties or bobby pins or someone elses bra strewn about the comforter.
She reads instead of scrolling on her phone mindlessly.
She has a sleep mask.
Shes always well rested and couldnt tell you the last time she had a nightmare or jolted herself awake.
The woman Im never going to be doesnt throw away mail out of panic.
Shes also never cried (or slept) in a bathtub.
Shes never thrown up in an Uber.
Shes never sobbed alone in a locker room.
Shes never cut her own bangs because of a breakup.
Shes never been impulsive or felt the need to maintain a level of interesting.
Shes also still a brunette, probably.
The woman Im never going to be doesnt have little wrinkles forming around her eyes and mouth.
She doesnt use the same skincare products as me because she like, Has really good skin naturally!
And thats how I know.
The woman Im never going to be, is a woman who doesnt need exist.
