After flipping through a few more pages, I went to the family computer to Google more about BPD.
Because as I continued to read on, I also came across countless negative depictions of BPD.
Researchhas shown that BPD is one of the most stigmatized mental health disorders, even among mental health professionals.
Mike Von
People with BPD are painted as manipulative, explosive, and hard, if not impossible, to treat.
So I stayed silent about my findings.
I wouldnt receive an official diagnosis for another five years.
And during those five years, I suffered.
I struggled to regulate my emotions and caused collateral damage as a result.
My relationships were turbulent.
I pushed away my family.
I was completely and utterly depressed, anxious, and empty.
I blamed myself for the anguish.
I told myself that it made sense people left.
After all, how could they have stayed?
I was reactive and unstable.
My self-esteem was almost non-existent.
I felt as though I was simultaneously too much and not enough at the same time.
BPD makes me push people away and go inward when I need their love and acceptance the most.
Because, deep down, I think I dont deserve the tenderness.
At 24, I finally received my diagnosis and was able to enroll indialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).
DBT teaches emotional regulation skills, interpersonal effectiveness, crisis management strategies, and more.
I can safely say DBT saved my life.
Of course, there are still times I doubt my own worth and feel broken beyond repair.
Emotional regulation doesnt always come easily.
I still struggle to trust others fully, and myself, for that matter.
I can now navigate my relationships more effectively.
I feel safer in my own mind.
Im coming to realize there are going to be people who find me to be too much.
Theyre entitled to their own opinion.
And, ultimately, these arent my people.
Im learning that its okay to ask others to help you pick up your pieces.
Im realizing the right people always see who you really are, even if youre falling apart.
While I cant say Im all the way better, Icansay I am healing.
And, most importantly, I am still here.
And thats more than I could have ever hoped for before.
BPD presents differently in everyone.
to be diagnosed with BPD, it’s crucial that you exhibit at leastfive of the nine DSM-5 criteria.
If you have BPD, kindly know you are not alone.
You are loved, you are worthy, you matter.
