When people treat each other contemptuously, the respect in the relationship is gone.
And without respect, nothing else matters.
When we get married, no one gives us a guidebook.
Alice Donovan Rouse
There are no step-by-step instructions as to how to make things work, to be married successfully.
There are signs of a toxic marriage that seem normal but that really are not.
Contempt
Contempt is defined as the feeling that a person is beneath consideration, worthless or deserving scorn.
Signs of contempt include eye rolling, unkind words, sarcasm and dismissal.
Contempt can be hard to recognize because its easily explained away.
Think about your interactions with your significant other.
Do either of you speak to the other sarcastically?
Do you talk behind each others backs?
Do you roll your eyes when your partner tries to make a point?
The number one sign of a toxic marriage is contempt.
When people treat each other contemptuously, the respect in the relationship is gone.
And without respect, nothing else matters.
Fighting
Fighting in a marriage is totally normal.
Many people believe that as long as there is no physical assault, any kind of fighting is normal.
But that just isnt true.
Fighting that is both regular and extreme, even if there is no physical violence, is not normal.
It is a sign of a toxic marriage.
Do you and your partner fight regularly?
Do you fight about everything from the color of the sky to the time it takes to make dinner?
Do your fights escalate quickly?
Do you attack each other personally?
Is there never a resolution to these fights, you just retreat to your respective corners and sulk?
If the above describes the way your fights evolve, you are most likely in a toxic marriage.
Secrets
When I was married, there were manysecretsthat I kept from my husband.
I didnt talk to him about how I felt about him.
I didnt vaccinate my son until he was 5 years old and neglected to tell him.
I forgot to pay the cable bill for three months and then acted shocked when it was cut off.
I hated the way he wore short sleeve shirts to work in the summer.
None of these things I told him.
Furthermore, I spent a TON of time telling my friends the things that I didnt tell him.
In many ways, my friends were a substitute for my husband.
And I thought that this was okay.
None of these secrets were a big dealit wasnt like I was sneaking around on him.
Now I know that secrets can kill a marriage.
Distance
When your partner walks in the door, is your first instinct to hug them?
If you could choose someone to go to the movies with, would it be your significant other?
Hugs, confidences, and free time are things that arent always a part of long marriages.
People who are in healthy marriages make an effort to be physical with their partner.
They genuinely enjoy spending their free time together (mostly) and confide in each other.
Consider the distance between you and your spouse.
If the Grand Canyon comes to mind, then you are most likely in a toxic marriage.
Silence
One of the biggest signs of a toxic marriage is silence.
Silence means lack of communication.
Silence means grudges are being held and being left unsaid.
Silence means that connecting in any meaningful way is impossible.
The hallmark of a healthy relationship is when two people can communicate well.
When communication stops, so does any chance for a happy relationship.
Words are left unsaid and frustrations stew.
When was the last time you and your partner spoke in any meaningful way?
Dont waste your life in a toxic marriagelife is too short to waste!
