Have you ever felt most loved by a man when you were doing things to help him?
Have you ever reminded a man to do something several times because you were convinced he would forget?
Being His Mother, Instead Of His Lover
What is Mothering?
God & Man
Mothering is taking on roles and responsibilities in your mans life that his mother would have partaken in.
These might include…
Why does it happen?
Mothering starts with the best of intentions.
You dont want him to leave the house looking unkempt, so you iron his shirt.
You want to keep the place clean, so you pick up his clothes.
Neither partner at the time realises how toxic to passion these actions can be.
God & Man
He feels loved and cared for, and tells you Youre amazing.
Where would I be without you?!?!.
So, it keeps happening.
You pick up after him or take care of business again, he thanks you again.
Whats the problem then?
Its all very happy and loving.
Until you realise something.
Hes getting more and more incompetent.
Essentially, your actions of constant intervention communicate one thing.
I dont have faith in you to sort this yourself.
In other words, Youre incompetent.
He loses faith in himself and becomes reliant on you.
This feels good at first, because it makes you feel irreplaceable.
The problem is, soon youve completely untrained him in day to day competencies.
Whats the solution?
Resist the temptation to jump in and do things for him a mother would do.
For example:
He doesnt take out the garbage?
Let it build up.
When the house is a mess, hell remember.
He forgets to buy groceries?
Yall are eating noodles for dinner.
He doesnt iron his shirt?
Hes a grown man.
He can make the time or go to work with an unironed shirt.
He forgets his physio appointment?
When he has a sore back, hell clue on and buy a diary.
He doesnt book your anniversary dinner?
When he realises his mistake, hell arrange alternative plans.
I know what youre thinking.
I dont want to let the house get that messy mark!
or but I WANT a nice anniversary dinner mark!.
You must give your man the room to fail.
