I dodged your name in conversations, and expertly did not flinch when someone did bring you up.
I acted unfazed, aloof.
Totally stable and healed.
Allef Vinicius
By
Updated 8 years ago,October 26, 2017
I denied it.
Not only to others, but to myself as well.
I acted as though those feelings I had for you were no longer there.
I invalidated everything I felt about you because I didnt think I had the right to feel it.
You were my friend and that was all you were ever going to be.
And so, I didnt talk about it.
Allef Vinicius
I dodged your name in conversations, and expertly did not flinch when someone did bring you up.
I acted unfazed, aloof.
Totally stable and healed.
We were friends, after all.
I just saw you last night!
To prove it further, I went on dates and hooked up with other guys.
I would not wish it was you when the lips of someone else were pressed against mine.
And I broke my promise every damn time.
After all, you always came back.
You always came back because you never really left.
Because the truth is that you cant push away your feelings.
Reality is relentless and will always comes knocking at your door.
Eventually you have to let it in.
That time finally came earlier this year.
I opened myself to the pain and the truth that we were never going to become something real.
That you werent going to change your mind.
I ricocheted between hating you and loving you and acceptance and back again.
It was exhausting, but it was healing.
And this is how I got over you.
Slowly but surely, in bits and pieces and tears and denials.
You werent and you arent.
Someone else is out there.
Many other people who could feel the same way.
Today I feel okay about you, about us.
I dont know if Ill slip back into the pain, but its getting harder to go back.
And I think thats a sure sign Im getting there.
Getting to the other side of you.
