Two years ago, depression snuck up on me when I wasnt looking.
Although Im not fully healed, I have managed to get back to a much better place.
Two years ago, depression snuck up on me when I wasnt looking.
God & Man
I also want to share my story in hopes that it might help others.
Below is an excerpt from my diary from around the time I was really struggling.
Ive been doing my best to keep it together because I dont want to disappoint anyone.
But the truth is that whenever Im alone these days, I break down and cry.
Ive been fighting this battle with myself, and I feel like Im losing.
Whats wrong with me?
Why cant I be normal?
How did I get here?
I have everything these days, so sometimes I think its all in my head.
But if thats the case, then why do I still feel so empty inside?
Why does my body feel paralyzed?
Why is my heart filled with darkness and why is my mind filled with so many negative thoughts?
The thing about depression is that it doesnt only affect you.
It slowly begins to affect everyone around you, too.
I know this because its affecting my relationships, my job, and even my health.
just dont hate me.
I already hate myself enough.
To be honest, I just dont want to be a burden.
Im not even really sure what day it is anymore since Ive been so tired lately.
I swear my daily routine consists of emotionally eating, eating, and repeating.
I never meant to hurt you.
I was projecting negativity onto you, but my pain was never about you.
hey stop trying to break me.
Im so broken as it is.
I guess Ive been so busy being depressed, I didnt even realize Id gained any weight.
Ill just add that to the list of everything thats wrong with me.
Shortly after writing the above journal entry, I realized that my depression was affecting my health.
Once I recognized what I was experiencing, I forced myself to get help.
Then I started seeing a therapist.
Today, I continue to work on myself and am slowly regaining a sense of purpose.
Although Im not fully healed, I have managed to get back to a much better place.
Life is worth living so dont take it for granted.
Work on yourself and put your happiness first.
That is my purpose and my reason for smiling.
Making you laugh and putting a smile on your face is what keeps me going.
That is why it is so important to always be kind.
Nikita Gill
This post originally appeared onDaddy Issues.
