I dont think our hearts are built to let our loved ones go so easily.
By
Updated 5 years ago,March 26, 2020
I wanted a perfect ending.
I wanted a goodbye that feltright,a goodbye that felt as cozy and as safe as your embrace.
Dylan Alcock
I wanted to tie up our loose ends neatly, without heartbreaks or hard feelings.
I wanted an ending that I wouldnt have to cry overan ending that wouldnt break my heart.
But I am painfully realizing that endings to good things rarely work this way.
Endings seldom feel warm or comforting, especially when they are endings that involve people we love.
They dont bring us the sense of closure or contentment that I would give anything to feel.
Through losing you, I am learning that letting go is never neat and tidy or devoid of feelings.
And quite honestly, I dont think we are made to lose people.
I dont think our hearts are built to let our loved ones go so easily.
Instead, we hold on to what we love.
We hold on to what makes us feel good, even when its time to let it go.
We hold on until our knuckles turn white and our fingers tremble.
We hold on until we are forced to let go.
Like I am losing you before I finished reading our story.
I cant help but feel like our ride has been cut short.
Like we have fast forwarded through all of the good parts.
And now all I want is to rewind and replay it all.
All I want is to pause the clock and soak up the last remnants of joy.
But instead, I have to be okay with this.
I have to be okay with an ending, even if our imperfect knot feels frayed and undone.
I fear that this didnt mean as much to you as it did to me.
And I want it to mean something.
I want it to always mean something.
I dont want time to erase the magic that I didnt even know existed before I met you.
And I hope its a collection of memories that you, too, will choose to keep forever.
Deep down, I know that this ending does not erase our beginning or our middle.
I know it doesnt negate the beautiful memories we created or the piece of life we shared together.
I know that this ending doesnt mean we cant still cherish the goodness we created.
But I also know its not fair to either of us if I keep holding on to you.
Its not fair if I ask you to stay just so I can get through this.
I know it is time to let you go; I know this is our expiration date.
This is our coda, our songs final movement.
I dont want jagged edges to taint our fairytale, because thats not who we were.
We were more than our hardest moments.
And we cared for one another.
I think we deserve an ending that is as special as our time together has been.
I think we deserve an ending that pulls us closer, even as we part ways.
I think our ending should honor what we had, because what we did share was truly golden.
It just wasnt made to last forever.
And maybe this is okay.
Maybe it was always meant to be this way.
Maybe the best things in life are fleeting.
And maybe this was the best thing.
So as we do part ways, I want you to know that I wont forget you.
I wont forget how you made me feel.
I will keep our memories in a pocket in my heart, where they will always be safe.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Thank you for being the puzzle piece that I didnt know I was looking for.
Thank you for allowing your heart to become so delicately intertwined with mine.
Thank you for showing me that kind, gentle love exists.
Our short but sweet story has changed me in the best of ways.
And I can only hope the same for you.
