To the world, I was The Girl Whos Always Smiling.
However, I discovered a dark truth enshrouded behind my perpetual haze of lip-glossed smiles and melodic laughter.
By
Updated 7 years ago,November 24, 2017
It was a clear-skied October afternoon.
Surachet Khaoropwongchair
The sun streamed through the trees.
The sounds of laughter and birdsong floated through the air, flawlessly melding to a harmonic cadence.
But I felt frantic.
Surachet Khaoropwongchair
Terrified of my future.
At that moment, another student approached me.
Ive seen you around campus.
Youre always smiling, and I think thats awesome.
Naturally, I smiled back, but my smile was little more than a reflex.
My mind was clouded with the possibility of failure.
I was on the verge of panic, but outwardly, I remained calm and collected.
Thank you, I responded, a bright smile still spread across my face.
There is a powerful allure in being The Girl Whos Always Smiling.
The girl who appears put-together, well-rounded and friendly to everyone she meets.
Seeking help for my mental health would shatter the image of myself I had so carefully curated.
I was a living contradiction.
Outwardly floating through life, inwardly dragging myself through the heavy murk of mental illness.
However, I refused to remove the glimmering mask I wore to conceal my struggles: a smile.
I needed to seek help for my anxiety.
My mind clouded over.
My smile alone could not save me from my impending anxiety.
I was responsible for saving myself, for seeking out the help I needed.
I finally set down my armor: my smile.
I took steps to find the help I needed.
I approached my problems proactively, and remained open and honest about my mental health.
For the first time in my life, I was not hiding my anxiety behind a smile.
I was no longer trudging through life, weighed down by my own thoughts.
On the contrary, I felt as though I was floating, buoyed by the weightlessness of true happiness.
Although I maintained my naturally positive disposition, I no longer hid my anxiety behind bright, berry-tinted smiles.
I realized that ever-present smiles did not save me from mental illness.
By seeking out help for my mental health, I saved myself from the grips of my anxiety.
Most importantly, I now see The Girl Whos Always Smiling as nothing more than a conceptualization.
An unrealistic image rooted in fear, shame and stigma.
I am no longer The Girl Whos Always Smiling.
I am unashamed to ask for help.
I am unafraid to reveal my true emotions.
I am honest and open.
I am stronger than ever before, and I will never turn back.
