Even though I actively tell myself, “Relax.
Youre safe,” there is a part of my brain that says “Tense up.
Youre in danger.”
How I write poems about sex as a means of coping.
How often I cry.
How every time I step foot outside, I fear who might be lurking nearby.
The post-traumatic stress disorder after my sexual assault has completely taken over my life.
And I get that.
I put up a wall, mentally, and it executes, physically.
I cant break it down, no matter how hard I try.
Even though I actively tell myself,Relax.
Youre safe,there is a part of my brain that saysTense up.
If you have entered a new relationship, its important to talk about what happened.
Your partner shouldnt leave you just because you have this trauma or because you struggle to be intimate.
They should be patient, understanding, and respectful of your needs and your fears.
They should be helpful, loving, and kind.
Recovering from this kind of trauma is far from easy.
I am learning what it means to have patience.
To be kind to my body but be willing to push myself beyond my fears.
To forgive myself for how often I cry.
To let myself feel what I feel.
I am learning to be comfortable in my body and accepting of my body with someone elses.
