This article is the latter.
Look, Ive been there, For a large chunk of time I was not girlfriend material.
Whats wrong with me?
Jeffery Erhunse
Why can I catch them but never keep them?
Why am I not good enough?
The fact is, there was a lot wrong with me!
My perception of myself and my ways of going about getting what I wanted was totally skewed.
I, like many, thought having a guy would give me this sudden sense of worth.
Based on the questions I receive, this is something a lot of women struggle with.
And I get it.
And then there are the dating apps making it easier and harder than ever to settle down.
Its tough out there but it doesnt have to be.
These are the 5 most likely reasons you arent girlfriend material.
You lead with sex
This was always my biggest issue.
And a lot of women do this.
It feels good to be desired.
So we lead with our sexuality.
OK, so hes intrigued and he finds you attractive, but that really doesnt mean anything.
You may think it does, but he doesnt see it that way.
For guys sex is sex and a relationship is a relationship.
Sex isnt a means to get a relationship and oftentimes its not a measure of how he feels.
Women who lead with sex often dont feel like they have much else to offer deep down.
You constantly worry about how he feels.
You measure the number of texts and time how long it takes for him to text you back.
You pay more attention to how he feels about you than to how you feel about him.
Is this really the right guy for you?
Does he have the qualities youre looking for?
You dont really care, or at least, you dont think about it.
Instead, all you think about is how he feels about you.
Is he serious about you?
Is he going to commit to you?Does he like youor is he just using you?
You play what I call emotional detective, constantly gathering and analyzing clues to see how he feels.
You cant connect with someone who isnt there.
I call themdamage cases.
They are emotionally damaged guys with major commitment issues.
And unfortunately, they are usually pretty hard to resist.
A damage case will never see you as girlfriend material because he finds something wrong with everyone.
You want a partner, not a project.
You want someone who can handle his life, not someone you’re gonna wanna fix.
Seeing a guy as a fixer-upper is how codependent and toxic relationships begin.
And dont give me, I cant help it, these are the kinds of guys Im attracted to!
Just think about how sad that is.
The only guys you want are the ones who dont want you?
If thats the case, you better really get to the root of whats driving your behavior.
Youre a drama queen
Men hate drama.
Here is a very simple and basic truth about men.
Men move towards what feels good.
If it feels good to be around you, hell want to be around you.
If it feels bad to be around you, he wont want to be around you.
Starting drama is usually a plea for attention which comes fromyou guessed it deep insecurity.
You need his attention, whether its positive or negative.
Constantly starting drama with him is also a means to gain reassurance from him about how he feels.
Which brings me to my next point …
5.
You dont really love yourself
Ill keep saying it until Im blue in the face.
you might never let love in from the outside if you dont already feel it on the inside.
It just doesnt make sense.
How can you possibly believe someone could love you if you dont love yourself?
And forget love, a lot of people dont even like themselves.
Self-love does not come through being in a relationship.
Neither does healing from all your emotional wounds.
Now Im not saying theyll never come.
There are plenty of people who hate themselves who are in relationships.
But I guarantee you those are not happy relationships.
Once youre there, then some of it comes down to timing and luck.
But you cant always control these things.
The only thing you could control is yourself.
