You think you heard wrong.
You think that it’s all some sort of mistake.
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Updated 11 months ago,May 31, 2024
You get a phone call.
God & Man
Or you get a knock on your door.
Your mind flips through the possibilities listing out people who are old and sick.
People who might have had a seizure or a heart attack due to their old age.
And then you hear that its someone else.
Someone you never would have expected.
For weeks after you find out, there are only two moods you switch between.
God & Man
There are times when youre crying your eyes out.
Every morning, your body realizes it before your brain does.
You wake up and you already feel sick not physically, but mentally.
Its a heaviness in your heart.
A lightness in your stomach.
It takes a minute for you to process whats wrong.
And then you remember what happened.
And the feeling in your chest confuses you in a whole new way.
A second ago you thought it was too much.
Now you know its not enough.
It will never be enough.
This sickness in you will never match the amount you loved them.
You finally realize what people mean when they say theyre sleepwalking while awake.
Your mind was elsewhere.
you’re free to eat, but not much.
Even then, you dont feel hungry.
Food doesnt hold the same taste, doesnt give you the same relief.
People can tell something is wrong even if youre fighting to looknormal, because you keep making typos.
Repeating things you just said a second ago.
Walking around in a daze.
When you lose someone, you lose control of your brain.
And you lose control of your emotions.
And then somewhere in the middle of a sentence you thought you could say, your voice cracks.
It becomes all too much.
When you lose someone, unexpected things get you emotional.
The article written by some faceless reporter who didnt know shit about them but wrote like they were informed.
When you lose someone unexpectedly, you think you heard wrong.
You think that its all some sort of mistake.
And when you realize that it isnt, you lose a little piece of yourself that never comes back.
