If you begin to recognize symptoms of PTSD, seek help.
You deserve to be whole.
By
Updated 6 years ago,July 1, 2019
Youre free.
Gabriel Bastelli
The toxic relationship youve felt trapped in for so long is finally over.
Youve methodically scrubbed your life to remove all traces and memories of your ex.
Youve vowed to focus on healing and moving forward.
Then you began to notice a shift.
Your calmness and joy are frequently interrupted by strange sensations of fear and grief.
Without explanation or warning, at times you find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety.
Certain songs, movies, thoughts, or locations trigger what feels like a rebellious revolt by your emotions.
I know youre confused.
I know youre wondering what the hell is going on.
As a combat veteran, I think I can explain what you are experiencing.
Like me, you are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.
In the fall of 2006, I attempted suicide.
I counted 52 pills in all.
I scooped them up and chased three handfuls down my throat with a cold beer.
I prayed that God would forgive me for committing the ultimate sin.
I also asked Him to watch over my then 10-year old son.
I wasnt afraid to die and I didnt experience regret.
I dont remember dreaming that night, but I do remember the sun abruptly appearing through my window.
I immediately experienced two emotions when I opened my eyes disappointment and fear.
Over the years Ive learned to cope.
If egress is limited or difficult, I leave.
I rarely make eye contact unless Im speaking directly to someone.
I NEVER sit with my back to a door or an accessible window.
I attempt to never allow myself to get angry; if it is unavoidable I quickly walk away.
Once I reach a certain level of rage, it is almost impossible for me to come down.
I have a drink (or several) before I go to sleep to make the nightmares less vivid.
The goal has been survival through avoidance.
I have to literally tell my brain that everything is okay and we are not in danger.
Every blood vessel in my body will dilate and my heart will be sent into a dangerous overdrive.
My bladder will empty and my digestion will slow to a halt.
My muscles will tense until they involuntarily spasm and my pupils will dilate to their full circumference.
My body will be optimized for an arduous battle, even though no threat actually exists.
Relationship PTSD or post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS) is very real.
The violent emotional swings because of a toxic relationship are psychologically equivalent to what service members experience in combat.
What my enemy did with gunfire, the toxic person does with manipulation, deception, and rage.
Despite being armed, I can relate to the feelings of confusion and helplessness.
I understand the desperate desire to end the turmoil.
I also understand how easy it is to be comforted by chaos and seduced by havoc.
Walking away from the relationship, like leaving a combat zone, is more difficult than one would think.
Much like a combat veteran, you will have to learn your triggers.
You will need to determine which situations and environments send your brain time-traveling back through your painful past.
At first, you may be tempted to try isolation as a coping method.
Your mind is a war-torn battlefield and your thoughts are negatively influenced by your pain.
you’re able to no longer be trusted as your sole adviser.
Without a voice of reason, you will begin to anesthetize your feelings and disconnect from your humanity.
Undergoing cognitive behavior therapy to treat my symptoms of PTSD has been life-changing for me.
Ending an abusive or toxic relationship should be immediately followed by some form of therapy.
You have to learn how to recognize the difference between reality and perception.
You need safe, effective coping mechanisms that foster healing, not just avoidance.
you oughta fully discover how your traumatic experiences have impacted your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
Therapy will reintroduce you to the person you were before the trauma.
Im sure youve heard the saying, hurt people, hurt people.
It is extremely difficult to answer the question, why are you crying?
when you honestly dont know the answer.
Any exposure to prolonged trauma can cause a dramatic shift in how you respond to a perceived threat.
The term traumatic is subjective and there is no objective measurement for pain or grief.
Your misery does not need to be quantified or qualified by anyone.
PTSD is not about the trauma, it is about your mind and bodys response to the trauma.
You may feel broken, but you are not destroyed.
The love you desire and still believe exists is out there searching for you.
