I don’t know what’s better.
To live a life full of fear, or to just jump anyway?
I don’t know what’s the best thing to do for my heart.
Amanda Bear
On someone I hardly know?
To fall, even though I’m scared?
By
Updated 7 years ago,March 12, 2018
Im scared.
Scared to feel these emotions I havent felt in so long.
Im scared to feel them and have it not be reciprocated back.
Im scared to fall in love, and have it all crash and burn.
Amanda Bear
I havent felt this way in a while.
I havent felt this way in years.
And truth be told, it absolutely petrifies me.
I should be excited, right?
I should be optimistic.
I should be ecstatic.
That I met someone who makes me smile.
That I met someone who makes my heart flutter.
That I met someone who finally, finally makes me feel butterflies.
But Im not.
Im just expecting the worst.
Im expecting it to end.
Im expecting to be rejected.
Im expecting to be broken hearted.
And I dont want to go through another broken heart.
Its been so long since Ive even dated someone.
Its been so long since Ive even kissed someone and felt SOMETHING.
And then you came along.
You came along without warning.
You came along and you changed something inside of me.
You gave me hope.
You gave me some sort of sign.
That maybe after all, Id find love again.
I kissed you, expecting nothing.
I kissed you, expecting not to feel a thing.
As it turns out, I felt everything.
I wanted to pour all of me in you at that very moment.
Because in you, I saw light.
I saw a light I havent seen in years.
I saw someone, who I wanted to be with.
Whether you know it or not.
But Im so scared.
I dont know what to do.
Do I push back?
Do I pull back?
Do I double text?
Do I call you up once a day?
I dont know guy code.
I really dont know anything.
But I dont want to go further.
I mean, I do.. but I dont want to get hurt.
Thats why I dont date.
Thats why I dont tell secrets.
Thats why I have a guard up.
Thats why I have a million walls up.
I dont know whats better.
To live a life full of fear, or to just jump anyway?
I dont know whats the best thing to do for my heart.
On someone I hardly know?
To fall, even though Im scared?
I dont know the answer.
I just know that youre something different.
And worst comes to worse, youve restored my faith on men.
Youve restored my faith in love.
I was numb before I met you.
And you brought me life.
You allowed me to breathe.
