I built you up.
I asked you to be vulnerable, to open up to me and to talk about your previous heartaches.
My intentions were never to hurt you.
Brooke Cagle
Im sorry for the apology I never gave you when I said I wasnt ready for you.
Im sorry for providing no explanation for the sudden pain I left upon you.
Im sorry for building you up, only to break you down once again like others from your past.
Brooke Cagle
Most of all Im sorry for convincing myself I was ready to love again.
I thought I was ready for you.
I know I convinced you that you were the one for me.
I even temporarily convinced myself.
The happiness you initially brought me temporarily fulfilled the emptiness I suffered from my past heartache.
Before you came along, I was recovering.
I could see that you were relying on me to make you feel whole again.
I have always wanted to be the reason for someones smile.
I have always imagined that one day I would be just that.
I have always searched for the perfect individual to make up for the flaws that I see in myself.
But not the jot down of fall you wanted.
You were perfect for me.
That indeed was not a lie.
I on the other hand was not perfect for you.
I was not ready for you to know my flaws existed.
I was not ready to admit that my insecurities controlled my life and relationships in its entirety.
You were not the first person I had to walk away from without explanation.
You were not the first person who I wouldnt share my insecurities with.
You were the first person that has come into my life in quite some time that recognized my insecurities.
That recognized how badly I was hurting on the inside, even when I didnt think it was showing.
I noticed that you could see my flaws and how ashamed I was of them.
That realization only made me want to get further away from you.
It hurt me to say goodbye.
It hurt me to think about what could have come from our growing relationship.
I knew if I stayed, I would have only brought you more heartache in the long run.
I saw in you the kindest heart and the love you had to share with others.
So I built you up.
I asked you to be vulnerable, to open up to me and to talk about your previous heartaches.
My intentions were never to hurt you.
My intentions were to set you free from the jail cell you kept yourself locked in all these years.
My intentions were to help you find your way back to yourself again.
You were a caretaker.
You even took take care of me.
To give to you what I was not capable of providing at this point in my life.
I wanted to be the one you needed.
I hope one day when I cross your mind that you think of me and smile.
I hope you soon realize that my intentions were to guide you in the direction of something greater.
You were on the edge, practically falling, but too afraid to jump.
Sometimes we all need that push.
Not being ready for my love.
