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Updated 8 months ago,September 15, 2024
Ghosting is the new calling tobreak upwith someone.
Isnt it funny that calling to break up was once considered bad form?
My favorite ghosting story happened with a guy named Kurt.
God & Man
But then he resurfaced a few weeks later!
However he resurfaced by mistake.
You see, he accidentally called me thinking he was calling the new girl he had started dating!
He immediately hung up when he realized his mistake and was never to be heard from again.
Now for long-term relationships, you should expect an actual breakup conversation.
Although Ive seen plenty of those end with the guy just deciding to vanish one day.
When he disappeared, she was legitimately concerned about his wellbeing.
Whenever I discuss this topic, I get a strong emotional reaction from my readers.
And I fully understand it.
It seems immature, it seems childish, and its just so disrespectful.
And how can you not take it personally?
He didnt even care about you enough to tell you he no longer wants to see you?
So was the whole relationship just a lie,did he never careto begin with?
So lets talk about how to make the experience slightly less awful.
I want to preface this by saying Im not justifying or excusing the behavior.
Im not saying its the right thing to do or a nice thing to do.
Im just telling you the plain facts.
Does anyone ever really want to have this conversation?
And of course, whenever that happens, it means the guy istotallyfeeling it.
I was desperately hoping he would ghost on me so that I wouldnt have to have this conversation.
I didnt want to hurt him.
I actually got excited when a day past without me hearing from him.Maybe he lost interest!!
The reason Im sharing this isno onewants to have this conversation, not guys and not girls.
And in all honesty, Ive been that shady girl many a time!
The point is, he just doesnt want to hurt you.
He doesnt want to hurt you because he cares about you.
Now you might want to counter with: But thats so immature!
He needs to man up!
So heres the thing, most guys dont decide to ghost.
It just kind of happens.
And then tomorrow comes and he has another excuse.
It would just be rude of me to call now, shell probably think Im a weirdo.
Ill just leave this alone… And so he does.
The next main reason a guy will ghost is he just assumes youre on the same page as him.
He assumes, or maybe he convinces himself, that you know the relationship isnt working.
That you also feel the strain or tension.
That will just be weird and awkward, so best to just leave it alone.
Thats how I felt with Dan.
I was almost shocked that he seemed so blindsided because didnt he realize how incompatible we were?
Usually only one person gets the clarity.
Sometimes you see that its not a match, sometimes he sees it.
And sometimes you get lucky and you both see it and can part amicably.
Sometimes, we end up in one sided relationships.
He may have liked you, but he didnt like you enough to want a relationship with you.
Sometimes it just isnt a match.
Thats just the reality of dating and compatibility.
This isnt reality, these are your deepest fears talking.
See most of us have deeply rooted fears of being unlovable or unworthy.
Its sad and unfortunate and way too common.
I told you that you were unworthy!
But there is no relief that comes from this confirmation.
Just because you feel like this has to be the case doesnt mean it is.
Most men are good at compartmentalizing.
He already left, dont let him take your dignity with him.
The closure never ever comes from reaching out to him.
You know what usually does come?
You send him a well thought out text that you wrote and re wrote a hundred times.
You hit all the right notes.
You double-check you sound mature, composed, cool and confident.
But he doesnt feel the same it seems … and he ignores you.
Why does he do that?
Men have a strong aversion to getting into emotionally heavy conversations.
If men had their way the only emotions they would ever experience are calm and contentedness.
When a man senses an emotional maelstrom brewing, he wont go anywhere near it.
Does that make it right?
Sometimes you better make your own closure.
He wont give it to you.
And lets say he does reply to your beautifully worded, well thought out text.
Do you think hes actually doing to tell you the real reason he doesnt want to see you anymore?
Hes going to say something else.
Hes too busy, hes stressed, hes not ready for a relationship right now.
It feels personal but its not.
It doesnt mean youre fundamentally flawed, it just means youre not the right person for him.
Guys can lose interest for all sorts of reasons.
A guy who really likes you,really likes you.
He is in it and hes not going anywhere.
As they say, idle hands are the devils plaything.
make a run at stay busy and positive.
Do things you enjoy that make you feel really good.
Surround yourself with people who love you and see the best in you.
Make time for your passions and for things that make you feel alive, charged, and revitalized.
