It is soul-stifling to exist in a life that is not your own.
You will resist the notion that there is more waiting for you.
You will feel the growing pains that come along with allowing yourself to take up space.
Dmitriy Ganin
You will feel directionless and lost and afraid.
You will want to send the calling to voicemail and then never call it back.
At least you know it will be palatable to everyone else.
At least you will feel comfortable and safe because you knowexactlywhat to expect.
But you know that isexactlywhat the problem is.
Every day is theexactlysame.
But you know none of that accurately nails down what it is youre going through.
Because you know what it is:soul-stifling.
It is soul-stifling to play by societys rules.
It is soul-stifling to do everything that is expected of you, not what you actually want to do.
Youre still uncertain youre ready for your life to transcend to something that truly looks like yours.
Youre not sureyoureready to step back into yourself either.
But you know it was never about being ready.
It was about being brave enough to take the first step.
It was about trying despite the fear.
And so you do.
Because you realize that you cant live another goddamned day like you have been living.
And so finally, you stop.
You will spend more Saturday nights solo than you have before.
You will be bored by conversations you once pretended to be interested in.
You will no longer feel the urge to impress people you dont even really like.
But in doing this, you make space for new and more authentic connections.
And, you solidify those relationships that were always meant to stay.
But, in time, the dust settles.
And so you dont.
Instead, you become utterly and stupidly alive.
Because youre finally listening to the music you actually connect with.
You will be reading books by authors you believe you could be friends with if fate had any empathy.
You will be spending more time alone but will call it solitude.
You will begin referring to friends as family.
You will stop feeling the urge to numb your feelings and listen to them instead.
You will wake up.
You will finally be home.
