Of course, in a more ideal world, that would have been obvious.
I wish I wouldve known that having those feelings didnt make me a horrific person.
That I wasnt someone who would end up alone and abandoned by everyone who cared about her.
Of course, some people wouldve left.
Sadly I do know that some form of alienation wouldve been inevitable.
I wish I wouldve known that repressing the feelings wouldnt make them go away.
That pretending they didnt exist and never acting on them wouldnt solve the deep-rooted feelings that were underneath.
I wish I wouldve known that in 10 years, the feelings wouldnt dissipate.
I wish I wouldve been kinder to those who were living their authentic lives.
I did my best, but couldnt shake the judgment at times.
I wish I hadnt lashed out at those people and caused them pain.
Even though Im better now, I still cant undo the hurt I caused them.
Saying those things in a softer tone didnt lessen the hurt.
I wish I knew that being queer didnt have to mean abandoning everything I had ever known.
And wanting to would also be completely okay.
That I wasnt an imposter, someone trying to pretend to be something I wasnt.
Things would get better.
