I am everything a friend shouldnt be.
By
Updated 4 years ago,February 3, 2021
I message you for the hundredth time.
My message remains left unread.
Daria Shevstova
I wait, wondering what I could have said, how a hello could be so wrong.
All I am left with is waiting.
You beat around the bush.
I ask about meeting up its been months since Ive seen you.
You say Im never around.
I say I cant stay where Ive been if I want to go anywhere.
Im out chasing dreams and maybe thats something to be jealous of.
But youve got a partner who takes more precedence over me now.
We communicate about making plans.
But Im trying, arent I?
You ask which days Im available.
I give you a list.
I dont hear back.
I wonder if I should respond.
Eventually shows fall off the air because theyre obsolete.
I wonder if I am, too.
You havent once asked genuinely about my life.
But I am always your punching bag for complaints.
I listen to everything you hate and provide useless advice for situations Ive never been in.
Im good enough when its needed but never when I need somebody.
Im too comfortable remembering I am always replaceable.
You tell me I enjoy being the victim by complaining about everyone in my life.
Youre probably right, but I shouldnt have to complain about friends, right?
So why do they leave me and leave me unread?
We live in an age where its simple to ghost someone rather than give the honest truth.
So why shouldnt I complain when Im treated unfairly?
When did I have to quiet myself so others could feel important?
I am the person people start plans with but never follow through.
I am messages left unread, intentionally.
I am never in the same place at the same time.
I am disappointment when I dont show up for an important event.
I am resentment when I ask you to help me but cant bother to be there for you.
I am anger when I complain about life but I havent heard anything about yours.
I am always the victim, but never one to claim the blame.
When I wake in the morning, I message all my friends.
I give this one last shot because maybe you are right.
Maybe Im actually the bad friend.
Ive relentlessly chased dreams all these years and left everyone behind in the dust, disposable.
The last one standing is me, but no one with me.
