Theres no proof someone can see, so they dont believe you.
By
Updated 3 years ago,February 11, 2022
*Disclaimer about not being a doctor.
*
I dont remember my first migraine.
Jonathan Borba
There was no before and after in my mind.
I may not remember the beginning, but I do remember how bad they were as a kid.
Light was the enemy.
Movement was the enemy.
Anything other than sleepwhich wasnt likely to come, as the pain was too muchwas the enemy.
Often, I would wake up already in the middle of a full-blown migraine.
Id miss the telltale signs of an impending episode because I was fast asleep.
Id wet a washcloth and crawl back into bed, often with tears streaming down my face.
The years ticked by, puberty came and went, and still I was plagued by this illness.
MRIs showed nothing but a nice, squishy, healthy brain.
I missed a lot of school.
I missed out on concerts with friends.
I often missed out on just living life.
When Id explain why I couldnt make it, Id sometimes get the just a headache line.
Invisible illnesses are like that.
Theres no proof someone can see, so they dont believe you.
It sticks around for hours.
The pain crushes into the side of my head and neck.
Sometimes its a dull weight.
The pain is extreme, so bad that the urge to call 911 often creeps up.
Then the thought of the searing bright hospital lights keep me from making the call.
Migraines come with a unique nausea.
Like a queasiness in your head, rather than your stomach.
If the queasiness is too much, vomiting is sure to follow.
I can barely concentrate, and the effort of stringing together a coherent sentence is sometimes impossible.
And thats the shitty thing about migraines.
Migraine triggers are plentiful for people, and often remain a mystery.
And yet still I have more that I havent discovered.
But there is no hard and fast rule for what could be a trigger.
Caffeine is a perfect example.
For some, it actually helps their migraines.
For me, it only makes it worse.
Coordinating with other migraine sufferers devolves into: Have you tried this?
Yeah, that didnt work for me.
The future seemed bleak.
I wish I could say that my migraines got better.
Now in my 30s, theyre still an almost daily struggle.
Ive been working with a neurologist for years now, trying all sorts of new migraine medications and treatments.
Ive been getting 31 injections of Botox for Migraine every three months for the past year.
When I was a kid, every migraine was a 10/10 on the pain scale.
Now I can call many of my adult migraines mild.
When you live with chronic pain for decades, you come up with all sorts of ways to cope.
I have a red armchair I got from Goodwill when I was moving into my first apartment.
Im a wealth of knowledge, a ledger of all of the little things that work and dont work.
Ive been tracking my migraines in a little bullet journal I keep on my desk.
Each day, I mark lines for the state of my head.
Vertical slashes for just a headache, cross-hatched vertical and horizontal lines for migraines.
A day from from slashes marks a blissful 24 hours with no pain.
Im only part-way through life.
I have so many more years to go.
Migraine science is always coming up with new things.
Maybe theyll release a new treatment that finally works.
Maybe the migraines will go away with menopause.
I choose to still hold that glimmer of hope.
And while I wait, Im just going to savor the days when I feel good.
Im going to focus on the positive.
So many people have told me their getting better migraine stories.
Fingers crossed that I become one of them.
