Throughout the lockdown, everything that I buried down began to resurface.
By
Updated 4 years ago,December 16, 2020
You were my first love.
We broke up a week before Valentines Day, it was sudden but not a complete shock.
Susanna Marsiglia
You broke my trust and betrayed me.
I knew I had to end things between us but I still loved you and was confused.
My whole world flipped upside down that first month apart.
I was paralyzed and for the first time, I finally understood what it meant to be truly heartbroken.
I was following the textbook rules of the typical post-breakup road to recovery.
Because the feelings of heartbreak were still there, they were just temporarily masked with distractions.
You had power over me once again and it made me fucking angry.
I was working my way out, WHY am I back here?
Throughout the lockdown, everything that I buried down began to resurface.
The duality of my emotions started to reveal themselves.
And the cherry on top of the shit sundae was how you moved on with someone else so fast.
I felt so easily replaced and disposable.
Everything rattled back and forth in my head causing my light to be dimmed all over again.
The hardest part was letting go of the us when we were happy.
Well if we were so meant to be, then why arent we together?
Those happy honeymoon moments were the easy part.
I have realized my worth again and it feels like I am a whole new person.
A restored, more self-aware soul who has worked hard to move past something that nearly broke me.
Most importantly, I understand thatit wasnt my fault.
I loved you wholeheartedly and unapologetically butit just didnt work out.
When the right person is on the receiving end of that love, they wont take it for granted.
They will cherish it, fight for it, and wont run away when things arent perfect.
And it was exactly what I didnt know I needed.
No distractions and nothing but time to work through all of the delicate feelings Ive never experienced before.
To fall in love with myself again and find solace in my own happiness.
