I cant give my new partners my full trust.
I can barely shell out half-trust.
That makes logical sense; if someone hasnt severed our trust, why wouldnt we extend it to them?
YURI MANEI
The hurt in my past has caused me to be wary.
I think, Can I really trust my boyfriend?
Will he just hurt me as others did?
But I cant give in to this way of thinking.
Trust is a key part of any relationship.
a kidding tone covering up my very serious question.
And you take on the task of deciding to trust again.
Trust is a decision, like anything else, that only you could commit to.
Its not easy work, but its one that will bring you happiness and peace in your relationship.
So lets talk about how you get there.
How do you trust someone when it feels impossible?
Begin by accepting everyone has reasons not to trust.
If you find it hard to trust your partner, its because youve experienced betrayal.
The first time someone promised theyd love you forever and then changed their mind.
A lover that swore themselves only to you, but went ahead and cheated anyways.
That pain is as real as it gets.
It embeds itself in the very essence of who you are.
Your pain is not baggage; its lessons.
I want you to let go of the idea youre broken.
Quit thinking youre undatable; that you come with some kind of burden dragged behind you.
Every person has their own pain that shaped who they are today.
But what defines you as a person is how you move forward with that pain.
The betrayal of a lover can either weigh you down or help you identify your values.
Recognize patterns in your past relationships.
If youre worried about being duped in a new relationship, identify the common themes from your exes.
Were they constantly belittling you?
Did they jump in quickly and then later withdraw?
Often, people seek out whats familiar in life.
If youre not careful, you could subconsciously get into new relationships that are just like your past ones.
Maybe because you feel like things arent complete, you want a happy ending you never got.
But recognizing red flags from your past will help you identify them in current partners.
If those pop up, then its worth considering dating someone else.
Take things at a slow pace.
I think its unreasonable to trust someone from the get-go.
If youre wary of new partners, take things slowly.
Get a good feel for whether or not you think the person is worthy of trust.
Ask your friends and family for their opinion on the person if youre hesitant.
Trust your instincts if things dont feel right.
I shifted my thinking from worrying if I am datable to deciding if my new partner is datable.
I went at my own pace, even though I knew my boyfriend for years before.
Look at things from a data standpoint.
But if you feel like its hard to trust your partner, look at the data.
What kind of person are they?
Do they lie to their friends?
Are they close to their family?
Have they cheated in the past (that you know of)?
How is their relationship with their mom/sisters?
Do they seem like a genuinely good person?
The answers to these questions will end up being more telling than any feelings you instinctively have.
Communicate how youre feeling.
People are too conservative when it comes to talking about their past.
An understanding between two partners makes for a beautiful relationship.
It explains to your partner why you have some peculiar behaviors and why certain things trigger you.
Your past loves shape your current love.
An open conversation about why you find it hard to trust could wipe the air for your partner.
Just be loving, open, and allow your partner to talk about their pains, too.
Trust you might make better decisions.
I still struggle with this concept.
I think, how did I let myself be used the way I did?
Why didnt I stand up for myself?
But that kind of regret does me no good.
I know what the red flags are to avoid the pop in of men I used to date.
All I can do is trust that Ill be more vigilant this time.
All I can do is forgive myself for my less-than-stellar decisions in the past.
If your past feels too difficult to move through on your own, go to therapy.
Therapy is excellent in that it helps you realize how your past affects you today.
A therapist can also develop strategies and tools for you to form healthy, new relationships.
Its natural to want to protect your heart when its been broken in the past.
Its scary to trust a new person again; I know, Ive been there too.
Theres a chance youll be hurt again, but know youll be OK if that does happen.
But also know theres a chance youll find a love that would never hurt you.
Theres a chance to rebuild your trust when it comes to love.
But it all begins with a decision that only you could make.
