This just happens to be where I am in my journey.
This is my healthy girl era.
I am proud of how far Ive come, and I am enjoying it.
At just 35, I needed an ostomy for the second time in my life.
I dont have pictures from when Ive been hospitalized in the past.
I dont have any current ailments to chronicle.
Thats the thing about having an invisible illness, most of your struggles are private.
Heres what you missed.
Heres what the world doesnt see.
In 2006, I began experiencing crampy abdominal pain accompanied by bloody stools up to 20 times a day.
My first scope confirmed the diagnosis: moderate to severe ulcerative colitis.
The following year, I had my most severe flare yet.
I was released after 13 days in worse shape than I had entered.
At my familys urging, I got a second opinion at a university-affiliated research hospital.
They scheduled me for surgery first thing in the morning, after a night on IV fluids and steroids.
This was the first (but not last) time Ive faced a 30% mortality rate.
I am lucky to be alive.
This enables patients whove had a total colectomy to live without an external ostomy appliance.
I had a temporary ostomy for just 9 months.
I wish I could say that was the end.
If you look at my Facebook from those years, youll see me smiling with friends and family.
You wont see me doubled over on the floor in pain.
You wont see my bloated, dangerously distended stomach.
When you have a colectomy, they tell you it is a cure for ulcerative colitis.
Thats a debate for another day.
What I did not anticipate, however, was a Crohns Disease diagnosis shortly thereafter.
The years that came after were full of ups and downs.
I experienced pouchitis multiple times each year which feels almost exactly like ulcerative colitis, except perhaps more localized.
The antibiotic I was given to treat it made me sick to my stomach.
Then the fistula came.
Although maybe not the most dangerous, this was the most difficult complication of Crohns Ive faced.
Your colons main function is to absorb water.
Without one, the consistency of the j-pouch stool is generally porridge-like but can become watery when symptomatic.
Do you see where I am going here?
Youll see me starting a new job and eventually earning a second masters degree in Higher Education.
Youll see me enjoying time with a new group of friends, vacationing, and hiking many beautiful trails.
You wont see me finally breaking down and wearing adult diapers in my 30s.
I tried several times to repair the fistula.
Shortly after that surgery, I tore my stitches vomiting and was rushed to the ER.
Although my recovery during the pandemic presented some unique challenges, I was lucky in some ways.
For one, I wasnt expected to go anywhere or do anything.
Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise.
Ive had the ostomy for three years now and am living my best life.
You will see me receiving a promotion at work and trying my hand at step-moming.
What you will not see is me taking one day of this life for granted.
What you will not see is me stretching myself beyond my limits, because Ive learned and accepted them.
I am not a worst case scenario.
I am a survivor, and I am thriving.
