She wasdatinga very confusing man and needed help making sense of it all.
Sometimes he seemed really interested, other times he seemed like he couldnt care less.
After their most recent date, he didnt really give any indication if she would hear from him again.
Thought Catalog Agency
He didnt say he would call, he didnt say they should do this again sometime.
She was just kind of left hanging and she was spinning like a top.
Did I say something wrong during the date?
Should I have sent a thank you text?
Maybe its because I didnt send a thank you text and he thinks Im entitled.
When should I text him?
What should I text him?
Above all, she wanted to know this: How can I get him to like me?
Yes, I reassured her.
He already knows you like him.
You accepted his dates, you replied to his texts, you kissed him back… he knows!
Im just going to exist.
And Ashley actually didnt feel so terrible after the fact.
Here is the thing, when a guy really likes you, you dont need todoanything.
You dont need to plot or plan or strategize.
You dont need to craft the perfect text.
You dont need to stage accidental on-purpose run-ins.
You dont need to send emissaries in the form of your friends to gather data on how he feels.
Stop working so hard.
The only thing it’s possible for you to do is send him a few green light signals.
Be warm, be receptive, smile, and show interest in him.
If you want to be a little bolder and make the first move, go ahead.
But then thats it.
And the reverse is also true!
This is just how interest is built, it grows as we invest in someone.
Lets go back to Ashley for a minute.
You see, she was always a doer.
She always resisted my advice to give a guy space to choose her.
Before the guy in the story I told earlier, there was another guy.
He was a guy she was friends with for a while and then she started to catch feelings.
Now since they were friends, she thought maybe he didnt know she had feelings for him.
She decided to be a little bold and direct and decided to ask him out.
And he said yes!
However… finding time to actually go out proved impossible.
There was always some excuse, always something popping up last minute.
But he assured Ashley hedidreally want to go out with her.
And Ashley dutifully followed up, trying to find a day and time that worked for both of them.
Eventually, they did go on a date… and they had a nice time!
But there was no flow after that.
It just felt like it had to be forced.
And she was doing way more work than he was… but he was always receptive.
They went out a few more times and then he ghosted her.
So what went wrong?
They basically fell into the passive reciprocation loop.
Now had she never pursued him in the first place, the relationship never would have happened.
She essentially forced something with a guy who was only luke-warm interested at best.
He wasnt the one feeling sad and rejected when it ended, she was.
When a guy really likes you, you wont have to work this hard.
Also, do you really want to be with someone that you have to chase?
Someone who leaves you with no sense of where you stand?
This is not healthy or sustainable.
Now there are certainly things you’re able to do to make yourself more likable.
So take ownership of what is under your control, and that is yourself.
Stop taking ownership of whats not under your control, and that is how someone feels.
You just cant control that, everyone has different wants and preferences.
Learn the art ofbeing.
