Perhaps we cant always find light in the face of death or loss.
Perhaps sometimes, death is just an ending.
A fragile, heart-wrenching ending.
Mike Palmowski
They were eating cereal with you at the kitchen table.
They were wearing the familiar yellow dress that you remember with such clarity.
They hugged you and kissed you on the cheek as you got up from your chair.
Because you realize that it was a dream and that it was all in your head.
And you are faced, once again, with the stark realization that your loved one is still gone.
Grief shows up in unexpected places when you least expect it.
It emerges from the shadows even in the moments in which you thought you were doing okay.
Youll be watching a movie, and suddenly notice the silent tears sliding down your cheeks.
And other times, griefs heaviness will drown you.
Other people will certainly be there to hold your hand and to love and support you.
But the truth is, grief is a very lonely feeling.
A feeling which no one can really save you from.
And there are no right words that will truly suffice in a time of such pain and heartbreak.
There are no words that can honor or recognize the immensity of the loss you are experiencing.
And perhaps the inconsolable nature of grief is what makes it so difficult.
Some are lost; gone for good.
And this is what loss does to us.
It shifts our reality.
It doesnt allow us to return to normal, because our old normal no longer exists.
Our world has changed, as it now lacks someone irreplaceable, someone, who was extraordinarily special.
Our world has suffered a great loss.
And so have we, which makes change inevitable.
We have lost someone who meant the universe to us.
Indeed, it is full of joy and light, but it is also full of suffering and hardships.
And sometimes, before we can begin to heal, we have to feel the pain.
We have to understand that our lives have been changed, and not necessarily for the better.
Perhaps not every tragedy or every loss has a silver lining.
Perhaps we cant always find light in the face of death or loss.
Perhaps sometimes, death is just an ending.
A fragile, heart-wrenching ending.
But we can be grateful.
We can be grateful that we were so deeply loved by this person.
We can be grateful for how this person shaped our life.
We can be grateful that we had the opportunity to know them.
We can be grateful that we were able to share a precious lapse of time together.
But we dont have to be okay with our loss.
We are not obligated to search for a silver lining when we are grieving.
We are not obligated to find light in this darkness.
Sometimes, all we can do is just let things be and cry when we need to cry.
And when we do come out of this on the other side, we will face a different world.
A lonelier world, a world in which the days may be overcast for a long time.
And eventually, we will adjust.
We will learn how to live with the loss.
We will learn how to live with the hole in our chest.
And we will smile again.
We will laugh again.
We will acknowledge when we see something beautiful again.
By no means does this negate the pain or erase the loss.
Instead, maybe their presence will bring us comfort.
Maybe their presence will bring us the sensation of creating a new memory with them.
And maybe, just maybe, over time, our grief will be translated into love.
