While we were out I spotted a really cute guy.
My friend and I spent the day with him and his friend bar-hopping all over the West Village.
And somewhere in the middle of my confusion, he kissed me!
I was ecstatic, bursting at the seams.
Day turned to night.
We spent a chaste night together and then got breakfast the next morning.
Another day goes by…. Maybe he just doesnt want to lookdesperate.
Another day goes by…. Maybe I should friend him on Facebook so he remembers me?
(I friend him on Facebook.
He doesnt respond).
Another day goes by…. Did I misunderstand something?
Did I do something?
It is now Thursday morning.
We were supposed to see a movie that night.
We had fun together… he was into me, I know he was!
I wasnt dreaming, he was into it.
A sudden wave of boldness takes me over and I call him.
Yes, call not text.
He answers sounding confused.
I mean, I guess?
Its clear hes regretting his decision to answer the phone.
But now Im committed to this.
We decide to go to dinner instead of a movie.
I take a few breaths and cheerily greet him.
By the time were outside the building, his demeanor changes.
He grabs me, gives me a passionate kiss, and says, I forgot how pretty you are.
Huh??????
Is that why he didnt call me?
I brush off any feelings of being offended or insulted…
I am here to fix things!
And boy does it work.
While were at dinner, he falls in love.
Hes looking at me intently, then he apologizes for not calling.
He says something about having a busy week and hes sorry.
I remain cool as can be, totally unfazed.
Dont worry about it, I say with a coy smile.
The confidence, the easy breezy attitude…
I dont recognize the person Ive become but I like it.
Screw conventional wisdom, I broke the rules and I won!
After that we started dating… and at first, it was great.
But then there was a shift….
Another shift, but this time in the opposite direction.
All of a sudden he just didnt seem so into it.
All of a sudden I felt like I had no idea where we stood.
All of a sudden I felt like I was chasing the relationship.
I was hearing from him less and less… and there was a marked de-escalation.
Then he would disappear for a week or weeks at a time.
But he always came back… and I always took him back without question.
I won him back once before and Ill just keep doing it!
But then he reallydisappeared.
Several weeks had gone by with no word.
I was defeated and dejected but I wasnt going to debase myself by calling him.
I would move on with my head held high.
Whatever the reason for his disappearance, I could get past it.
But he wasnt calling to apologize.
He had actually called me by accident thinking he was calling some other girl he was clearly dating.
He hung up the phone on me as soon as he realized his mistake.
I just stood there, my jaw on the floor.
I called him back, hoping for an explanation.
I text him saying something to the effect of.
Hey- that was really weird.
I think you owe me an explanation after all the time weve spent together.
I never heard from him again.
So whats the moral here?
The fact is, he just wasnt that into me.
He did like me… he just didnt like me enough.
When a guy likes you, its obvious!
And maybe he also thought I looked ugly in my Facebook picture!
But then I had to go and mess with the natural order of things.
I called him… and in spite of himself, he humored me and showed up.
And then Im not sure why, but some of that interest started to grow.
I think part of this had to do with my confident demeanor.
If thats the dynamic youre in, pull back and see what happens.
If you just never hear from him again… well there you go.
A lot of the time what happens is a passive reciprocation loop.
And if a guy ghosts… there really is no reason to reach out.
No response is a response.
… well you wont get one from him!
He probably doesnt even know why he lost interest or didnt feel a pull toward you.
Thats just how these things work sometimes.
The most important thing to do is not let this rejection define you.
It doesnt mean anything about you.
It is not confirming the worst fears you have about yourself.. that youre unworthy and unlovable.
