I let myself have a bad day today.
I knew this feeling all too well.
I awoke in my lonely bed and leaned over for my phone.
Yimeng Yuan
I can say with great sureness that I dont miss you and I dont want you back.
In all honesty, I wish I could just eliminate your chapter from my book.
The memories come in slow waves now, luckily, they dont take me under like they used to.
Yimeng Yuan
I locked my phone and got out of bed.
Normally, I would force my thoughts to stay there on my pillow, but not this time.
This time, I brought the thoughts with me.
I let my feet sink into it.
I even encouraged it, and played one of our old songs.
I was just so sick and tired of hearing Give it time or Youll be okay.
I couldnt help but feel like nobody understood me.
Fighting the memories becomes so exhausting, sometimes.
I told myself that you dont deserve me and that I deserve so much better.
I drove to work in a daze.
I thought back to that night at the beach.
How we sat so comfortably by each others side.
I couldnt help but think about perfectly that matched our entire relationship.
You were my hand and I was the sand.
I let the tears stream down my face.
I let myself give into the grief.
I let myself feel every single ounce of the pain you caused.
I let myself forfeit the battle that everyone was so badly telling me to fight.
Then, it hit me.
Maybe this is healing, and maybe this is what closure is all about.
You know, and perhaps closure isnt about an explanation.
Closure could be about you coming to terms with the past.
That just because you feel pain from time to time, doesnt mean you are weak.
It actually means that youre a human who has feelings, and its okay to feel.
So, today I let myself have a bad day.
Today, I let the weight of the world hold me down for a moment.
