I responded, How?
I had no proper training in suicide prevention.
It hadnt been a conversation I had ever talked much about.
Aaron Anderson
I remember sitting on the bus coming home from a volleyball tournament.
A conversation became very dark, very quickly.
Then he told me he wanted to kill himself.
Aaron Anderson
One word and I was figuring, did he have a plan?
How serious was this?
When would he want to do this?
How long had he been thinking about it?
I knew if I could keep him talking, he was here with us and he was safe.
That was always my goal when conversations in the future took turns like this, keep him talking.
I knew if I could try and understand as much about this as I could maybe things could change.
I was 14 hours away by car.
2 hours by plane.
And not scheduled to come home for a few weeks during Thanksgiving break.
I ran to my apartment and called my mentor and coach from home.
What do I do?
You are going to have to make a very difficult phone call right now Kirsten.
Call his parents immediately when you get off the phone with me.
My words were met with disbelief.
Text messages were forwarded to everyone who needed to see them.
And initially, my friend was angry with me for not keeping his secret.
I went to bed every single night praying I didnt have to fly back home to attend a funeral.
Me, I just remember most my nights consisted of looking at my phone every few hours.
Just keep fighting until I come home, is what I told him.
We will take it one day at a time and thats exactly what we did.
It gave him something to look forward to.
November 28th, 2010
His father and I sat in the living room as he got ready.
And there was an unspoken dialogue between the two of us.
Our eyes met and he said thank you.
Its been 2,399 days since then.
And I still continue to learn as much as I can about suicide.
Maybe its odd how comfortable I am talking about death.
Maybe its odd I get angry at these statistics.
This needs to change.
My heart breaks reading another story about a college student who just couldnt handle it anymore.
Even though we are strangers its like I know them.
I feel for them.
I understand how hard it is sometimes.
No longer feeling heartbreak because the person they loved left.
They want to sleep at night without dark thoughts consuming them.
They dont want to lay there awake at night as things get worse in their mind.
Or as they cry alone for reasons they cant explain.
Only no one sees it.
Suicide victims dont want to die they just want to live without this pain that consumes them.
They want to know they arent alone.
They want to know they arent crazy for feeling these things.
They want to know things will get better.
I cant talk to every person who is struggling like I did my friend.
I cant be there with you at 2 AM.
This pain you are feeling will subside and it will be replaced with something greater.
Give it one more day.
Just get through one more day.
And watch quickly as it turns into two then three then weeks then years.
But dont stop fighting.
Dont give up so soon.
And things will change.
