You entered my life so unexpectedly.
And as quickly as you came thats how fast I left.
Holding on only to a few months of memories that still seem so clear in my mind.
God & Man
2 funerals and the day I left you.
Almost like a movie that wasnt real.
But that last day together was one that would haunt me.
God & Man
I remember waking up in your bed after staying up for hours just sitting in your kitchen.
Staring at a blank paper struggling to articulate how much youve come to mean to me.
But in the next 48 hours, thats what would become my reality.
I woke up and you kissed my forehead like you had every day.
There was an eerie silence as we walked.
What we werent saying was its over.
You reached for my hand across the table and just squeezed it.
Can you write me a letter before I leave, I said.
And we handed it to each other reading it in separate rooms.
I looked at the clock it was time.
I left an apartment that felt more like home than the little town I grew up in.
You took my suitcase and we walked a little more slowly than we usually did.
We walked past the movie theatre we had our first date.
The one you didnt cancel, even though you were sick.
We walked past our favorite bar and club and place we used to go at 3 AM to eat.
Then we got to the bus station and we just sat there holding one another in tears.
I love you, and I knew you meant it.
Your best friend called hours after I left, Ive never seen him in such a state.
He really does love you, you know.
I held back tears in the airport.
And just kept looking back.
And I kept looking back thinking just maybe.
I landed in New York and I didnt want to get off.
I wasnt ready to return to my life again.
Im doing whats best for both of us.
I never knew heartbreak to that extent.
I didnt know what to channel this much pain into.
My friends watched as I self-destructed that summer I turned 21.
Picking me up off of every bathroom floor as slurred words became a common dialogue.
As straight vodka with no chaser hurt less than the pain within me.
Everyone watched knowing very well there was nothing anyone could say to make this better.
There is no way to unbreak a heart thats been shattered.
You just learn to function.
I boarded a plane a few months later.
I needed to go back for reasons I couldnt even explain.
I needed to see you.
I needed to feel that the distance between us wasnt just because of an ocean.
And when I stood in front of you and felt worlds away thats when I knew.
When you told me you never loved me at all, thats when I knew.
I kissed you goodbye and you felt like a stranger.
But that trip the second time around wasnt just about the closure.
