I didnt see it coming and it knocked the wind out of me.
I was always the jot down that was either all in … or you dont exist to me.
We met at a bar and the chemistry was electric.
Daria Shevtsova
I was captivated like Id never been before.
We were in that happy, lovey-dovey stage for about two weeks when the bubble burst.
But it was bad.
It was his ex-girlfriend.
And then the twist- he and her had actually broken up a mere week before we met!
And then he met me.
And he thought maybe he wanted her back.
And why, oh why, does nothing ever work out for me?
He took a week to figure out where he stood with her.
It was a week of me barely able to catch my breath.
Yes, yes, a million times yes!
And so began a beautiful love story.
It was a mess.
A horrible, toxic, codependent mess.
But I needed him.
And he needed me.
And that was enough.
Except there was one thing I really wanted…
He just wouldnt do it.
He said we were exclusive.
We werent seeing other people.
So that was nice and all, but he was still technically single and I was not his girlfriend.
So I dropped it.
And I tried to show him that I was the best girlfriend ever.
I did everything for him.
I cooked, I cleaned, I was supportive, I was there whenever he needed me.
I basically abandoned myself and my life to serve him.
This is something else.
OK, so long story short, our relationship was bad.
Then he broke up with me and it was awful and sad.
And actually, he told me he loved me for the very first time while we were breaking up.
No man had ever said that to me before, but it actually only made the pain worse.
I didnt think I could survive without him.
I didnt know how I would exist.
But somehow I did.
Somehow I found the strength, and somehow I found someone new.
And he was great!
We started dating and I was just in awe of the ease it all.
But then Eric came back.
He called me one night, begging to see me.
After a few weeks of deliberating, I made my fateful choice.
And he finally gave me the love and commitment I had desperately been seeking!
No, just kidding.
There was better at my fingertips and I let him go!
The way he fought to get me back meant something to me.
Then summer came and I went home for a summer internship before starting my senior year of college.
And then he cheated on me (you’re free to read about ithere).
Well, I guess I never really knew if it was technically cheating since we werent technically official.
But it sure felt like it.
And that wasnt even the worst of it…
Two weeks later, she was his official girlfriend!
Not just official, alsoFacebook official.
I felt like I had been sucker punched.
This cant be real.
This makes no sense.
He didnt offer me much insight beyond, Well Sabrina, it is what it is.
What can I say?
In my mind, this meant one thing: I just wasnt good enough.
She has something I dont.
She is something Im not.
I just couldnt understand.
He told me he couldnt be in a relationship right now.
Was it just a lie?
I know Im not the first to ask this question.
I hear it from my reader all the time!
I know its hard, I know its painful.
But thats just the truth.
Whatever the case, he just didnt want to be with you.
Years after our tumultuous relationship, Eric and I became business partners and we currently runA New Modetogether.
With time and perspective, it was so clear to me what an awful match we truly were.
Were great as friends and business partners, but as a couple, not so much.
And maybe thats what he felt inside, maybe thats what held him back.
But it didnt matter.
Our relationship was never good.
Even when it was good it wasnt good.
We were two broken people trying to hide from our broken-ness by spending every waking second together.
That does not a healthy relationship make.
The girl that came after me was different.
She didnt know he was broken.
With her, he had the chance to step up and turn himself into someone new.
He was a completely different person with her than he ever was with me.
But their relationship also didnt last and was over in under two years.
So it goes in the game of love.
The point is, you have to take his words at face value.
When he says he doesnt want to be in a relationship, he means it.
The reasons dont matter, the facts do.
And I see women making my mistake all the time.
All it really means is he isnt and never was the right guy for you.
The right guy for youwants to be with you.And it really, truly, seriously, isnt personal.
You dont have control over how someone else feels.
If you do that and it doesnt work, then it never would have worked.
That really is all you should probably know.
