How simply someone goes from that person you care about to someone who suddenly is toxic to you.
But the hardest part about letting go of toxic people is the love you still have for them.
Hes taking advantage of you and youre letting him.
God & Man
These are all phrases Ive heard and I couldnt disagree with.
But there was something in me that couldnt just move on or let go.
I dont know if love is the right word because love and toxic shouldnt be closely related.
God & Man
But there was something about him that kept me around.
Something that always lured me back in.
It was like every time I tried to pull away, hed notice.
His words sounded so nice if only they were countered by actions that followed.
But everything he said contradicted what he did.
And I didnt know what to believe anymore.
So I hung onto what I wanted to believe.
That he was a good man.
He might have been.
But he showed me bits and pieces of that.
But he also showed me a side to him I didnt like.
I know thats on me.
It was every blurry lines where I couldnt make sense of him and all he did.
It was the games and confusion.
It was liking me one minute then changing his tune the next.
Because he knew exactly what he was doing and he knew exactly how to get to me.
It was the text I knew he read but chose not to answer.
It was the snap I saw him open but not caring to reply.
It was the likes, the shares, the tags just when I finally stopped thinking about him.
It was like one step forward and ten back.
Just when I was about to move on, he always knew.
And I didnt know how.
It always came back to him.
It was the conversations that lasted for hours.
It was the gestures without thank you and the apologies without any real sincerity.
It was knowing I should walk away a long time ago but thinking I had to explain why.
But if I gave him that chance hed come back with charming words that made me stay.
He held me without any touch at all.
He was master of coming and going as he chose.
Hed pick up where we left off when he wanted to.
I had never been someones show puppet.
I had never watched myself or looked at my reflection losing self-respect in moments as I did.
I caved to him and everything he demanded and wanted of me.
And I foolishly called it love.
I foolishly hung onto this thing.
